


Cracks on the Masks

by pewpewdragons (Nyoona)



Series: Pergamon Guard [5]
Category: Flight Rising
Genre: Bets & Wagers, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Getting to Know Each Other, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, POV Alternating, Romance, Smut, Sparring, Wine, dragons with alternative humanoid forms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2018-11-14 13:11:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 44,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11208741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyoona/pseuds/pewpewdragons
Summary: The disagreeing natures of Orestes and his captain Eudoxia have been colliding a lot during the years but the situation has been worsening lately. Orestes decides that it is finally time to sit down and talk before things come to a head and she really kicks him out of the Guard. Except things don't go quite as planned, for either of them. How exactly do you deal with falling in love with the last person on Sornieth that you thought you would?





	1. Wine and mistakes - part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10/2017 You know what, I give up. I have no idea how many chapters this thing is going to be. It's definitely not 4 and I'm not so sure about 5 either. So let's not promise anything.
> 
> This whole thing has been replaced with a version that has went through a language check by someone who actually knows what the hell they're doing so it's hopefully more clear and much nicer to read now!
> 
> If you want to know exactly what meihin, the form they turn into, is, then head [here](http://ljoonika.tumblr.com/meihin). It should also clarify why being a feral is such a huge deal.

That winter day was going to change a lot of things, but nobody knew it yet. It all started at the morning inspection. Orestes was late, but that was nothing new. Captain was in a foul mood that day and the atmosphere was already tense when he arrived. The Ridgeback proceeded to chew him out immediately as he fell in line. She berated him on everything from his habitual tardiness to the nightly trysts with his many lovers that kept interfering with his duties, all the while his fellow guards stood there with jaws wide open. He had never realized just how extremely high she could tower over him until now and it made him nervous for the first time since she had become a captain. It wasn’t like she hadn’t criticized him about the same issues before, but this was different kind of savagery. He had no idea what he had done to earn her ire first thing in the morning.

Afterwards he was exhausted. He headed back to his living quarters in the barracks for some rest. It was quiet during the daytime. Toma and Kie also lived there, but as day guards they weren’t often there at the same time as him. And then of course, there was the captain. She lived at the barracks too as far as Orestes knew. The Ridgeback probably spent her days at her office which was located in the same building. There was a door to it at the common room but it was rarely used as the office also had its own entrance at the side of the building so it should be of no surprise that he never really saw her come or go.

 _I really need do something about this whole thing soon_ , was Orestes’ thought as his walk took him past the main door of her office. It wasn’t like they had ever gotten along well, but the situation had seemingly  taken a turn for the worse in the recent months. His behaviour was scrutinized to an even greater extent and he had been forced to reduce the number of his nightly adventures considerably. The result was a sizable dent in his income. He didn’t actually need the money but he had developed a habit of putting a certain amount of money aside every month. He wasn’t sure what his goal for the saving was anymore but it still increasingly bothered him more and more.

He entered the barracks, and slumped on a pile of pillows in front of the common room fireplace. He spread his wings to allow them to warm up after being outside in the freezing air for most of the night, letting out a sigh. The whole situation was difficult. Orestes needed to get on her better side, but what he did, whether she knew the full extent of it or not, it wasn’t going to get him there. She was— moral. And she seemed to respect rules above all else. They didn’t really seem to have any common ground between them to establish any kind of understanding. Despite his worries he was soon lulled to sleep by the soft pillows and sound of the fire crackling at the fireplace.

He woke up to a stiff back. Orestes vowed to never fall asleep in armour again. _I’m not quite that young anymore_ , he thought, finishing  his journey to his own quarters. He removed the gear he had on, leaving on just the long tunic he had been wearing and tied his short sword back to his waist. It wasn’t his favourite weapon but it felt somehow wrong to go without it. After a bit of stretching he felt much more refreshed and ready to face the rest of the evening. It was the first night off for him in a while, as Sari was finally ready to do the rounds on her own. That meant he could do something fun tonight. Or not, he thought as his problem popped back into his mind.

Even with fresh and rested mind there didn’t seem to be any other solution to his problem than to get on friendlier terms with the captain. He had kept his position in the Guard so far, but with all these recent new recruits, who knew. Orestes actually liked his job and didn’t want to lose it.

 _Well then, go out there and talk to her! Do what you do best and be whatever she wants you to be._ The problem was he had no idea what she might have wanted. He couldn’t very well pretend to become a decent and chaste person at this point, now could he? Was there any way to make her accept who he was and what he did? There was only one way to find out.

With fresh determination, he grabbed a bottle of quality golden wine from Sunbeam Ruins and made his way to the captain’s office, knocking on the door before he lost his nerve. He didn’t have to think about what to do in case she wasn’t there as the door was opened almost immediately. A confused look appeared on Eudoxia’s face when she looked down and saw who had knocked.

“Orestes? I was not expecting to see you.” It seemed to take a moment for her to orient herself to the unexpected visitor. “What can I do for you?” she finally asked.

“Uh, were you expecting someone else? I can come back later if you’re busy?”

“No, I was just—,” She stopped and frowned at something before continuing, “No, I am not busy. Again, what can I do for you?” She didn’t seem to be angry anymore, so Orestes allowed himself to think that maybe this could work. He sat on his hind legs so he could look up more comfortably.

“Well. The thing is— I know that we’re not really seeing eye to eye in much of anything lately and it’s causing tensions, so I think we need to sit down and talk about it. It is supposedly the sensible thing to do in situations like this yet we haven’t tried it.” He lifted the bottle up and smiled sheepishly. “And I brought wine. So let’s talk?”

The look on her face was doubtful, but she invited him in anyway. Orestes hadn’t been in the office since the captain had started in her job five years ago and the room had been quite bare back then. He looked around curiously as he stepped through the door, trying to gauge what kind of a person she was based on her choice of decorations.

The room was large enough to accommodate even Imperials, though not comfortably. But for a Ridgeback the room seemed just perfect. What caught his attention immediately was the amount of books she had. The walls were lined with bookshelves. It looked more like a library than a Guard captain’s office. He was an avid reader himself but more of a library user than keeper, and only owned copies of a few handful of his favourites. He stifled the urge to go take a closer look at the shelves and continued taking in the rest of the room.

At the front of the room was a large table full of papers and books, most likely her work desk. At the other side he saw a comfortable looking sitting area. The back of the room was quite dim but something was glowing there with a slow pulse. Getting past the desk he could see that it was the solar blades that she usually wore with her armour. They hung on a wall mount now, blades spread open. It was a magnificent piece of magical wing armoury in broad daylight but seeing it like this really brought out the swirling lights and the quality of craftsmanship that must have been required to make such a thing. Orestes didn’t know many dragons who could have worn something like those blades without looking pretentious but somehow they suited her perfectly.

The room had a scent like a mixture of old paper and leather, and something else he didn’t recognize. He had never really been interested in learning to properly use his sense of smell since becoming a Tundra, but he knew that this wasn’t how she normally smelled. The scent was not new, as it was sometimes hanging around her, but it was something that came and went.

As most of the Guard consisted of smaller breeds, the office was well equipped for receiving such visitors and she lead him to the sitting area, where a variety of different sized pillows in shades of red and yellow were strewn across the floor.

“Is that all the wine you brought?” She asked while rummaging through a cupboard for a vessel to drink from.

“I didn’t exactly plan to get pass-out drunk?”

“How were you going to make it last for even one drink?” she asked and turned around.

“Isn’t it obvious?” He asked and set the bottle down on the floor. Then he closed his eyes, focusing on himself. Turning to meihin came very naturally to him at this point, as he had done it so often. It felt like turning a page on a book, where at one page he was a dragon, the next page he stood on two legs, with hands that allowed him more movement and dexterity.

It was the form he most liked. Or would have been, without his— predicament. His meihin was what was commonly called a feral. A wild form that to society signaled failure and lack of control. But the captain didn’t seem to register his appearance at all. She was too busy apparently being offended by the whole idea.

“You want me to use my meihin?” She squeaked.

“Yes? Isn’t it just good manners when sharing food or drink with someone considerably larger or smaller?”

“I— This is the Guard barracks! There are rules!” She objected with a surprising amount of force.

“What? Were you intending to fight me or something?” He asked incredulously.

Use of meihins for battle was frowned upon, as the form was considered inferior in strength and hardiness, and thus a liability. The Guard certainly didn’t allow meihins, even in their ceremonies. But there was no rule in place that completely banned them.

“Look, this isn’t practice, I’m not on duty, I’m sure your office hours are over too, and we’re having a private conversation so I don’t see why it should be a problem.” Craning his neck to look up, he added, “And it would just be much more comfortable?”

She clearly had some difficulties with the idea. _This isn’t about the Guard rules at all, is it?_ Orestes thought as he watched Eudoxia clench her jaw. But just as he was trying to find the words to ask her about it, she seemed to have reached a decision.

“You probably have a point. Very well then.” She closed her eyes and started to focus with a frown.

The transformation was slower and more hesitant, as if she wasn’t used to it. Her form flicked between dragon and meihin, like he was seeing her through a broken mirror. It took awhile but finally standing before him was a meihin, surprisingly short compared to what Orestes had expected but still at least a whole head taller than him. She had uneven curly hair of silver, and a narrow face that was still as stony and proud as ever. She was covered from neck down as she still had most of her regular gear on, but he could see face, hands, feet, and tail completely covered in scales.

“This— this I didn’t expect,” he said, eyes wide. “You’re a feral, just like me.”

“I am nothing like—” she started to object but suddenly stopped and let out a sigh. “Yes, I am a feral. What are you going to do now that you know?”

“Do? Nothing.” He was disappointed by the question. She really didn’t trust him at all it seemed.

“You are really going to keep it to yourself?” Her voice sounded wary.

“Yep. And I’m hoping the same from you,” he shrugged.

“You do not seem like the type to care about secrecy.”

“Actually, no one in the Guard knows, as far as I’m aware. And neither does most of the Keep. I would prefer to keep it that way.”

“Then why show me?” She tilted her head curiously.

“Because I think you’re trustworthy. No matter what differences in opinion or morality we have, I’ve always thought that.” He tried to look as honest and reassuring as possible. “I promise, I had no idea you would be a feral too. So as I said, you keep mine, I keep yours.”

“Alright.” She nodded. “Not that I have any choice in the matter, but I will trust you.”

“Good,” he smiled. “Now, how about something for the wine?”

This made her look around the room with uncertainty.

“Everything looks so different from down here,” she said slowly. “There must be something for smaller breeds here, but where?”

“I’ll help you look. If that’s okay?” He added, not wanting to go looking around without her permission.

“Yes, please do,” she nodded. “I do not wish to change back just for that. It is— stressful.”

Orestes ended up looking in the same cupboard she had been looking while still in her dragon form. He had guessed that the furniture might have been made to be used by a variety of dragons in a shared space and would contain cleverly worked smaller compartments. His guess turned out to be correct and he pulled out a pair of goblets from the cupboard he had found.

“Here, found them.” He picked up the wine bottle from where he had left it and headed for a bunch of smaller pillows. He sat down on one of them and set the goblets on the floor, filling them about halfway. “I hope you like dry. I didn’t think to bring anything sweet with me.” He frowned a bit, remembering that he probably wouldn’t even have had any.

“Dry is fine,” she said and sat down onto a pillow next to him, legs neatly folded under her. Orestes wondered briefly if she was uncomfortable in her armour, but it didn’t seem to bother her. She wasn’t wearing the heavy solar blades she usually had on and the rest of the armour looked to be made for both comfort and mobility, or as much as plate mail could be. In fact it looked very expensive.

“I’m surprised you have a transforming armour since you don’t seem to like using your meihin,” he commented.

“It is an heirloom.” That seemed to be everything she was going to say about the matter.

He was just thinking how to start with what he had to say, when she spoke again.

“This is good wine. Is it from the Sunbeam Ruins?”

“Yeah, it is. I’m glad you like it. I— uh, I didn’t even think to ask if you drink wine at all, so—”

“You do not think about things often, do you?” Her eyes narrowed.

“I suppose not,” he chuckled, scratching his neck.

“And you did not think much before you came here either.”

“Well, that’s not—” But there was no denying it. He cupped his wine between his palms and flashed a half-hearted grin. “You’re right, I didn’t really. I just thought I should do something, since you seemed to be so angry with me today, way more than usual. I don’t know what I did specifically, but I wanted to say I’m sorry.” There was a question in the apology.

“Oh.”

Her reaction was perplexing to Orestes. Her face didn’t really change from it’s usual rigid expression, but she gulped her wine down with one swift swig and turned her eyes away in a manner that made her look almost— embarrassed?

“That was— that was too harsh of me this morning. I allowed unrelated matters on my mind to affect my behaviour and I apologize for that.”

He didn’t know how to reply, or even what had just happened. An apology from the captain was the last thing he had expected to hear. And it wasn’t even something he felt like he particularly deserved. But still, maybe there was some chance for this to work out without him having to pretend to be something better for her. He just needed to explain himself.

“Hey, I know you’re opposed to what I do outside the Guard barracks so I can sort of understand why you’re so strict about it, but—”

”If you want me to turn a blind eye to your nightly adventures,” she interrupted, “The answer is no.”

“Ouch, I didn’t even get a chance to make my case,” he winced.

“You do not have a case to be made,” she replied with a frown.

“I think you’re too quick to judge. And I don’t mean for you to completely ignore it. I can be more discreet. But I’m sure we can reach a compromise that benefits both of us.”

“Benefits both? What are you doing that is worth anything? Sleeping around is not exactly useful, is it?” There was a venomous edge in her tone.

“I don’t sleep around, not in the way you put it. And I get information!” He was a bit irritated at her outright dismissal and insults, but continued. “Look, I like being here. Clearly I’m not doing what I do for the sake of the Guard but it also doesn’t mean I can’t use whatever I get from it. No matter what you personally think of it, it is actually useful for the Guard to have someone who can move around in those circles.”

“Yes indeed, you are definitely not doing it for the Guard, that much is plain to see,” she sneered.

“I have my reasons!” He snapped back. He was starting to regret coming here, as he was definitely not going to open up about that, even if he knew he could trust her not to talk about any of it with others.

“You have your reasons? That is your excuse?” She scoffed. “You do not take this job seriously at all. Worse yet, your attitude rubs off to the others and reflects badly on the Guard as whole. You are completely untrustworthy!”

Orestes felt his own temper flare up. He should’ve been able to let it slide off his back at this point, as he’d heard the variation of the same theme, over and over again. But it hurt. Hearing her say it hurt.

“Well, what about you then? You take everything too seriously, like that’s all you are, playing the role of the perfect captain, detached from the realities of life and acting like there is no personality behind your facade. Heck, maybe there isn’t! Maybe there just isn’t anyone in there!”

She looked like he had slapped her, eyes widened in shock. She turned her head away, shoulders stiff and jaw clenching. He immediately regretted what he had said.

“Shit! I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.” He rubbed his temples and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

“No, I think you meant every word.” Her tone was as stiff as her body.

It was confusing. The captain had lashed out at him, having no way of knowing that it could strike a nerve. He himself had not known that his words could do the same, but he had to admit that he had hoped it would. Somehow she had gotten under his skin.

“Heck, maybe I did. But I didn’t need to say it quite like that,” he replied. She remained silent for a moment, still not looking at him. The atmosphere was thick with tension.

“How should you have said it then?” She finally asked. Her question was direct, and Orestes felt like he had to answer it honestly, otherwise that would be it. There would be no recovering from that. He hesitated for a moment before answering.

“For some reason you keep everyone away. It’s been over five years since you became captain and I don’t know a single thing about you. I have no idea what you do when you’re not being a captain. What do you like? What don’t you like? Well, except me of course,” he snorted at the obvious one. “You just— you show nothing of yourself, so I just wonder—” He didn’t continue, he had said that part already.

“—if there is even anything there. I see.” She finished for him. Eudoxia thought about it for a while before speaking again.

“Well, I can tell you one thing I do dislike. I dislike hearing everyone still bring up Adhara.”

“Adhara?” Orestes was puzzled. “What does she have to do with anything?”

“I can hear you,” she said in a surprisingly soft voice. “When you are gathered in the common room. I do not know if you know that, or if you are doing it on purpose, but I can hear you. I know you do not think me as good a captain as she was.”

Her expression was still neutral but somehow it was suddenly clear to him that she was hurting. There was something very forced in the way she looked, too calm, too detached.

“She wasn’t even our captain,” Orestes tried to explain. “We didn’t have any kind of— there wasn’t any command back then, she just assumed that role because there was no one to say no to it. The Clan Council didn’t yet exist and the Matriarch was too busy to pay much attention to what we were doing.”

“That is technicalities. Whether she was an actual captain or not is irrelevant to what I said.”

Orestes let out a heavy sigh. She was right, it wasn’t an explanation at all. He tried again.

“I think the reason we bring up Adhara is because she allowed us to do anything and you’re often the exact opposite. You came here like a violent gust of Wind and blew everything over.”

“I see. So I am an overly strict hardass who came and took away all the fun, is that it?” She suddenly snapped. There was now lightning in her eyes and a snarl on her face.

“No! That’s not— ” He pondered on his choice of words for a while. She looked angry but somehow he was glad about it. It felt better than her earlier blank face that showed nothing. It made him feel like he was an active participant in those moods instead of just someone under strict observation. It also made her seem less like a captain and more like— well, just Eudoxia.

He had never thought about that name much before. He knew her name as she had proudly announced it on her first day, just before declaring that she should— no, would be called captain, with no exceptions. It hadn’t been brought up after that but he remembered.

He had been tired that day. Also annoyed at the extra duty her arrival had caused, as he had wanted nothing more than to sleep after his shift. Out of spite he had decided to be late. He knew what the Matriarch’s reaction to it would be. He expected even worse from someone new and inexperienced.

But there she had stood, right alongside the Matriarch, such unblemished crimson and silver dragon that even years after the fact he remembered being impressed. And she had been calm, like the air before a storm. Except the storm never broke. She might have been nice to look at, but she was also cold and ruthless in her effort to reform the Guard. It hadn’t taken long for their relationship to settle on its current course where they did nothing except butt heads. But still, there seemed to be someone else under all that. So it was Eudoxia that he directed his words to, not the captain.

“We all know that the situation has been less than ideal for a long time now. We were stretched far too thin for too long and recovering from that is not easy. It has caused friction that might be permanent. And we— no, I can’t speak for the others. What I know about them is that Toma likes you, she really does. But she misses the time when I wasn’t her problem.”

Despite his seeming obliviousness, Orestes was actually aware that he was causing trouble for others. He just had a knack for always explaining it to himself in a way that made it seem okay, even justified. He didn’t like moments like these when he almost had to admit how hollow those reasons actually were. As she had guessed he often didn’t think about things too much.

“And you know that Wynnir just had a slight crush on Adhara,” he made himself continue, “so when he brings her up it’s mostly nostalgia, nothing more. He doesn’t dislike you. Besides, we now have two new recruits who have no idea about any of that. It’s getting better.”

“And you? What is it that you think?”

 _Me?_ He didn’t know what he was thinking right now. He knew objectively that Adhara had been a pretty horrible person, but she was also one of the rare ones who had completely ignored his breed change and behaved normally towards him. And he had been so desperate to feel like he was normal that he hadn’t minded playing along most of the time. He had just never thought that she might still be a sore spot for Eudoxia, even though he knew how openly hostile their relationship had been near the end.

“I haven’t always fully appreciated how much you’ve done,” he started slowly. “Because I do get it. The Keep is growing in size and the Guard has to respond to that. And you’re doing a great job, even I feel that way. I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel any less.” He braced himself before getting to his actual grievance.

“With that said, does it always have to be the gold standard, perfect service by the book, on all fronts? Can’t we sometimes just— manage? Or do things in our own way? We can’t all sacrifice our personal lives for our work and the common good.”

“That has not been my intention but I suppose I can see what you mean.” Her brows furrowed as she seemed to contemplate what he had said before she continued. “As long as I feel that I am not allowed to forget that things were different before, I also cannot feel like I can completely trust this Guard to function as it should. But that attitude itself is not conclusive towards us functioning better and I will try to remember that in the future. Would that suffice?”

“Yeah, I think that would do a lot already. Because it’s really not just you who needs to trust us. We need to be able to trust you too.”

“I— had not thought about it like that. I suppose I have a lot to consider, about the way I conduct myself as your captain.”

Orestes observed her changed demeanor. The stiffness and the expressionless mask were gone and she now looked openly confused as her hands fidgeted on her lap. Out of impulse he reached to grab one and squeezed it reassuringly.

“You’re a good captain. Of course you can do better but you’re not doing a bad job, trust me.”

His touch had startled her and she stared at him wide eyed, opening her mouth as if to say something. Then she closed it and looked down and away, strands of curls falling down so he couldn’t see her face.

“—thank you,” she muttered quietly.

It was such a vulnerable moment from her and Orestes was suddenly very aware of how warm her hand felt and how that strange scent had became more intense. And most disturbingly how his own heart now pounded at a faster pace. He pulled his hand away a bit too quickly, not entirely sure how to react.

“Uh, you’re welcome.” He could hear his voice crack. He noticed that his goblet was empty of wine so he used the opportunity to hide how unsettled he was by grabbing the wine bottle and filling the cup to the brim, then immediately ruined the intended effect by downing half of it in one exhaustive gulp. Luckily her eyes were still averted, giving him time to gather himself. She seemed to be trying something similar and silence fell as they sipped their wine.

Eudoxia hadn’t made any signs that would suggest to him that he needed to leave, so after a while Orestes decided to brave a new topic of conversation.

“So. You’re from Wind? I’ve never been. What’s it like?” _Why not ask about weather while you’re at it?_ But she seemed to consider his question seriously.

“It is full of gentle light and crisp air. It is green, but it is a very different green from the overbearing verdant of The Viridian Labyrinth. The skies are free and— well, it might be better in my memories than it actually is. But it is beautiful. And the light is so different.” There was a distant look in her eyes as she spoke.

“I think I know what you mean. I miss the light from Starfall Isles the most. Of course all these glowy mushrooms are pretty, but otherwise it’s so gloomy all the time. I just miss being able to see the sky, you know?” He sighed wistfully.

“You have the clear eyes of an Ice-born so I would have thought you would miss the Southern Icefields?”

“No, I don’t even remember the place. I was probably very young when I arrived to the Arcane domain. My earliest memories are of some other street kids teaching me how to steal food from the vendors at the marketplace,” he smiled fondly at the memories. It hadn’t been an easy time, but it wasn’t always so bad.

“Causing trouble from the very beginning then,” she frowned. “What did your parents do?”

“Don’t have any,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“I did not know. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Can’t miss what I never knew.” He leaned back a bit. “What about you? Parents? Family?”

“Yes, they are alive and well. I have not seen them in a while though. I have not been to home in—,” She went quiet. She must have missed her home a lot.

“You really seem to have liked the place. What made you leave?” He asked.

“There are not that many opportunities for the youngest child, especially if she is also the runt of the litter, no matter how good her family is. I needed to expand my horizons, so to say.”

“Runt? You mean to say you’re small?” It was Orestes’ turn to be surprised.

“You have not seen a lot of Ridgebacks, have you?” She chuckled. Orestes’ eyes widened. She laughed!

“My family are all the size of small Imperials. I am the only exception. I used to hope every day that I would get that one last growth spurt but no such storybook miracles were in store for me. But I learned to deal with it.” Then she noticed him staring at her.

“What?”

“I just— I haven’t seen you laugh before. Or even smile.”

“I laugh when there is reason for it.” Her face snapped back to it’s normal stony seriousness.

Orestes silently cursed his stupid blunder, but the smile had taken him completely by surprise. He found himself captivated by all these new expressions that had rippled across her face during the night.

“Sorry, I just keep saying the wrong things, don’t I?” He dragged a hand down his face in an exasperated gesture. “This would be so much easier if I was trying to seduce you,” he chuckled.

“Easier? How?” Another surprising reaction. He had expected her to get at least a bit offended as the conversation veered back to his nightly activities but her face showed nothing more than pure curiosity now.

“Because that’s what I’m good at.” He turned his eyes away to the wine that he was swirling around in his goblet. “No one seems to realize it but I’m not exactly the greatest conversationalist, as this night has amply proved. I merely distract them with other things.”

“I would have thought social skills are really important in— what it is that you do. Seducing people.”

“Oh no, you can be dumb as a rock, as long as you have something that they want. You just need to be smart enough to get what you want out of it for yourself.”

“And you get that? What you want from it?”

“Yeah I do.” He looked up to her and leaned forward a bit with a smirk on his face. “And I think I could make you like me if I wanted to. Actually, if I had my way you would be screaming my name and wanting more.”’

 _Is the wine making me say these things?_ He wondered.

“I highly doubt that,” was the laconic reply.

“Hmm, you wanna bet?”

 _Yes go on Ori, keep pissing her off! What exactly are you trying to achieve here?_ He didn't know the answer to that but whatever it was, there was nothing that could have prepared him for her answer.

“Very well.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This part was originally going to be one single chapter together with the next one, but it honestly just got too long. So forgive the abrupt ending here that leaves things very much hanging before the juicy parts. I'll try to clean up and finish the rest of this Orestes chapter asap.
> 
> The first 2 chapters will be told from Orestes' point of view, while Eudoxia gets to voice the last 2.


	2. Wine and mistakes - part 2

Her reply left him stunned. He had really only meant to tease and annoy her with what he had said and never expected her to agree to such an outrageous suggestion.

“You shall show me your prowess in bed then,” she continued. “Try to make me scream your name. But I will make a counter bet that I can do the same to you,” she fixed an intense, pale green stare at him.

“Before anything happens I’m just going to go on the record here and say that it was a joke.” Orestes suddenly had some troubles swallowing as he had no idea what had just happened.

“Somehow this situation needs to be resolved. I do not really care how that is achieved,” she shrugged.

“And you don’t mind if it would involve sleeping with me?”

“I do not.” She flashed a quick smile, so fast that it made him wonder if it had been there at all. His head was spinning, but it had nothing to do with the wine he had drank. He found himself wondering about person that he had just thought of as an overtly strict captain. _Who are you?_

“Fine then, you’re on!” He grinned. This would be interesting. “I’m assuming we both know what we’re going to be betting here, but I think we should make the terms clear anyway. So if you win—,” he raised a brow questioningly.

“If I win, you will not be tardy anymore. Extra care will be taken to make sure that you manage to be on time, every morning.” The exact meaning of this didn’t escape his notice. She meant his nightly adventures.

“Right. And if I win you’ll release me from morning duty. Completely.” He stressed the last word as an unspoken challenge to the one she hadn’t said out loud either.

“I accept these terms.” She extended her left hand, palm up. Orestes places his own on top of it and they turned the hands while raising them up, arms pressed together between them. Then they interlaced their fingers and the bet was sealed.

“Uh, I suppose we should find someplace else? Unless you want to do this on the pillows here,” he said, releasing her hand.

“There are sleeping quarters attached to my office,” she said, getting up and walking to the wall behind them, revealing a previously hidden passageway behind a tapestry. “I do not use this room very often but it should be adequate for our needs.”

The room she took him to was extremely spacious. At the middle was a large table that had a bundle of wilted flowers and a thin layer of dust on it. Clearly no one had used it in a while. Both sides of the room were lined with sleeping alcoves of different sizes, meant to cover the needs of the many breeds represented by captains and visitors. The beds in the alcoves were unmade, lending to the impression of an abandoned space. At the far end was a huge fireplace, empty and cold.

“ _Tuli_ ,” Eudoxia said and the fireplace burst to life, orange and pink flames dancing in the air. Orestes whistled. The common room of the barracks had a similar magical fireplace but here she had one just for herself.

“I thought our stay at Shadow was meant to be temporary,” Orestes commented on the large room and how seemingly prepared it was for decades, or even centuries of everyday living.

“It was essentially just copied from the original captain’s quarters at the Arcane home,” she replied, letting her gaze wander around the room. “There was not that much time to plan for the move and most effort and resources were directed toward designing a better layout for all the buildings in general. There are a lot of useless rooms like this at the Keep if you know where to look.”

“Huh, I never even thought about how all that worked," he said, realizing that it must have been a huge and complex task to undertake. He only had to worry about his own things when the move happened, but the Council had moved the whole Keep and clan with planned efficiency. "It’s pretty impressive when you stop and think about it, how they just moved the whole Keep like this. I wonder how it was even done?”

“There are—” she stopped to clear her throat, looking a bit unsure. “There are some books about that in my office if you are interested. Historical accounts from other clans who have done something similar. They were used to plan our own relocation.”

“Yeah,” he said after short consideration of the sudden offer, “I think I would like to have a look at them. But first—,” he left the sentence hanging.

“Of course. But— I would request that you go first, if you do not mind.” She turned her head away as she said this, an oddly bashful reaction from someone usually so straightforward.

Having already took off most of his gear before coming, he just removed his sword and undid the ties of his tunic with routined hand, pulling the garment over his head and tossing it on the floor. Eudoxia had turned her eyes back to watch, looking with curious expression. Standing there completely exposed to her he expected some kind of reaction. Some sort of exclamation of surprise for the fact that he was indeed hairy all over. But she said nothing. While her face wasn’t quite as blank as before, it was still hard to read. And she wasn’t making any kind of move towards undressing herself so Orestes decided to take the lead.

“May I?” He asked as he stepped forward and made a motion towards her armour.

“—yes.”

He walked around her and started to undo the ties and buckles on her gear. It was different from his own as she wore the heavier plate type of armouring, but one by one he removed each gold and steel coloured piece until there was only the long sleeved padded doublet left, red to match her skin. One of his favourite parts was revealing the body hidden under the clothes, so he took his time untying the laces that held the garment closed at the front. Eudoxia showed no signs that she wanted him to hurry up, so when he finally pulled the lace through the last eyelet he didn’t take the doublet off immediately. Instead he slipped his fingers through the now open front and ran a hand up on her stomach, feeling the texture of the skin.

_I knew it._

Her body was radiating heat and in her chest he could feel the quickening of her heartbeat. Suddenly his mouth felt dry and he licked his lips as he slipped both his hands under the doublet and glided them to her shoulders and down her arms, dropping the garment on the ground. He took a step back to take a look at what had been revealed.

She was lean and agile looking with well-defined muscles. A row of long spines ran from her head to the tail. But the most striking thing was that she was almost entirely covered in shining scales of various sizes. _Completely feral, just like me_. A feeling fell upon him that could have almost been described as— relief?

“You have a lot of scales,” was what he ended up blurting, regretting it immediately.

“Yes. And you are extremely hairy. Are you going to keep stating the obvious all night?”

“Sorry,” he said, feeling somewhat awkward. “I’ve just never met another— uh, it’s new I mean. I’ve only ever seen half ferals.”

“Is it going to be a problem for you?” Eudoxia asked, turning away slightly, crossing her arms over her chest.

“No, of course not!” He hurriedly assured her. Her posture relaxed, but she still didn’t look back at him.

“Besides, do I look like someone who would make an issue out of that?” He tried to sound encouraging because of her obvious insecurity. Orestes then cocked his head and added, “Though, I have to wonder, are those scales sensitive or not?”

With a sudden flare of temper her eyes shot back to his.

“I am not going to help you win this bet so quit yapping and find out on your own!”

“With pleasure,” he replied, mischievous grin appearing on his face as he closed the distance to her with couple of strides, pressing their bodies together. He then reached to grab from under her buttocks, lifting up and forcing her to wrap her limbs around him in order not to fall. He enjoyed how much this seemed to piss her off as he carried her to the mattress at one of the smaller alcoves of the room.

“You might want to flatten those angry spikes of yours,” Orestes murmured, bending forward a bit. Her spines compressed against her back with a quick snap and he knelt to lay her down, climbing on top of her.

“You have done this quite a lot before, I imagine,” she hissed, clearly annoyed.

“I have. Do you have a problem with that?” He shot back. Instead of answering she just gritted her teeth.

“Besides you learn to do lot of things when you’re smaller than most others. You learn the weak spots and how to take down bigger enemies.”

“Enemies— Is that what I am to you?” She asked, a curious look on her face. The question took him by surprise and he pondered it for a moment, while starting to explore the scaly surface of the skin on her chest with his hand.

“No, not an enemy,” he voiced his conclusion. “Uptight?” His finger flicked a scale. “Antagonistic?” Another scale, this time lower. “Stiff?” He kept teasingly flicking her scales while making steady progress down her body. “Frustrating?” This time the flick came with a sound of sharp inhale. “Yeah, that’s it, that’s the word. Frustrating!”

Having found the spot he focused his attention to her stomach, trying different kinds of touches to see what worked best. Light touches didn’t elicit much response. Massaging with the fingertips got a better reaction as she took in and held a deep breath. But the real discovery happened when he tried his claws.

“Never took you as one for belly rubs,” he chuckled as scratching her stomach made her tail suddenly start to bang on the mattress with considerable force.

“Shut up,” was all she managed to say. She lifted herself up on her elbows and then just glared, while he continued to seek new reactions.

 _So, she has decided to be completely silent!_ _I’m going to get a noise out of that mouth soon, just you wait._

Glad for the fact that he didn’t have to be careful about his claws with her scaly skin, he let his hands wander around her body, back up her chest, down along the sides, slowly tracing the curve of her hips before returning to where he started. She had changed from glaring to following his hands with her eyes, but giving away no other reaction.

 _What is it that you want? What do you need?_ He wondered silently.

He moved himself backwards and opened her legs so he could position himself between them. Resuming his explorations, he glided his hands along the sides of her hips and then thighs, enjoying the peculiar texture of her skin under his fingertips. The scales felt smooth in one direction but not in the other, so he used his claws going up and palms on the way down.

Curious to know what the scales would feel like against his lips, he bent down to plant a kiss on her stomach. Being this close, it finally registered to him that the scent he had been smelling around lately was indeed coming from her. She had _two_ scents. _That’s— odd? Isn’t it?_ He made a mental note to think about it later and continued to run his lips along her skin.

The scales turned thinner and smaller as he went along, disappearing completely when he reached the mound and a trail of curly silver hair leading down. Looking up he noticed that she had closed her eyes and seemed to be biting her lip.

Sliding his hand between her legs he was surprised to find that she was already wet. _This is going to be easy_ , he thought as he traced his finger along the slit until it found the opening. He caressed the edges lightly and noticed with satisfaction a slight shiver on her body. She was still a bit tense though. Orestes was starting to regret having teased her so much. But since she had been nothing if not full of surprises the whole evening he decided to take a risk.

“Looks nice and juicy now. I’m going to eat my heart out!” He said while lowering his head between her thighs and giving her a light lick. For a moment he thought he had made a mistake as there was only silence, but then he felt her body relax.

“I thought Tundras were vegetarians,” she let out a dry laugh.

“You thought wrong.” _I can’t believe that worked_ , he thought and chuckled quietly. “Your sense of humour is terrible by the way.”

“You started it.”

“Yes. How does it feel to be on my level?” He asked her.

“Devastating,” she grimaced and finally laid down on her back.

Relieved by the more relaxed atmosphere, Orestes continued, running his whole tongue up along the folds with wide licks, making sure everything was nice and warmed up. He then spent some time weaving his tongue around the lips with just the tip. Eudoxia’s breathing got heavier with every passing moment, encouraging him to continue.

He used his fingers to open the folds a bit and started to slowly move his tongue up until he found the clit. He teased it a bit with some light flicks, eliciting a sudden sharp breath from her. Then he worked his way around it, sucking and nibbling at the sides before getting back to teasing the delicate little nub with his tongue.

Her hand grabbed at his hair, body responding to the stimulus provided by his mouth. He followed her lead, increasing the intensity as her hips started to pump but withholding if she looked to be too near the edge. He was going to prolong this for as long as possible, making her plead for the release.

She still wouldn’t let out a sound except for her breathing, but Orestes knew he just needed to give a little push to tempt it out of her. He reached a hand up while continuing to work his tongue on her and slowly dragged his claws across the scales on her stomach. And there it was. A deep mixture of moan and growl escaped from her mouth. Feeling her body writhe under his touch had been turning him on already but the sound she made went straight to his groin and he was now incredibly aroused himself.

“You bastard,” she gasped, her back arching from pleasure.

“Hey, did that win me the bet?” He managed to quip from between her legs.

“Only if you reply to— the name bastard— now.” Her speech was getting strained now as her breathing got faster and more disjointed. “Besides— I was— supposed to— scream it!”

“Damn, forgot that part,” he said, raising his head and leaving her hanging, deliciously close to climax. He wasn’t going to let this end just yet. Her body might have been begging for it but he needed to hear it out loud.

He got up on his hands and started to move back on top of her but whatever he had planned to continue with wasn’t to be. Eudoxia had gained her composure and decided to take control. Her legs were right under Orestes’ arms and she used them to yank him forward, so that he slumped on top of her. She then tightened the hold with her thighs and spun them around in a motion so fast that it took him a while to realize that he was now at the bottom and she was on top, on all fours, looking down with such an intense green gaze that Orestes felt his heart skip a beat.

The unexpected change in positions was something different. Orestes valued his own pleasure just as much as anyone else and always made sure he received as much as he gave. But it had always been on his own terms, the situation under his control. Now it was not. She wasn’t soft and pampered like the dragons he usually slept with. This was the body of a fighter. He realized that she might very well be able to overpower him and he found that the idea of it was— exhilarating!

“My turn,” purred a low voice that managed to sound both sweet and threatening at the same time. “Stay down.”

He found himself very happy to oblige.

She then slowly maneuvered herself between his legs while a single claw started to lightly trace a winding path on his skin, first down his chest, then on the stomach and feeling around the scars on his side before continuing down. At the last moment the wandering claw swerved from its path and continued down his leg.

When it reached his knee it was joined by four other claws that weaved their way through the fur on his leg. Then the claws retracted and the sensation turned softer, as the pads of her fingers touched his thigh, flattening to become the whole palm.

The hand felt warm and tingly as it made slow progress up along the sensitive skin. His arousal was already clear, but her hand evaded it, choosing to explore his tail instead and caressing the soft fuzz. It wasn’t a spot he liked anyone touching, mainly because like most non-Arcane dragons he hadn’t been left untouched by the rampant energies of their previous home and the longer furs there hid the start of a second tail. He was about to ask her to move on but unexpectedly found that as unbearable as the sensation was, it was also almost pleasurable and he was now torn between wanting to squirm away and not wanting her to stop. He let out a frustrated giggle at his own indecision, which made her look up.

“Ticklish?” She asked with an amused smirk

“Maybe. But by all means, carry on,” he smiled back at her.

She changed her touch from light to firm and suddenly it was clear that it really was an extremely pleasurable spot. He was humming now and his tail was wriggling under her touch.

“It seems I found yours,” she said, looking pretty satisfied with herself.

“Only— fair, I suppose,” he laughed, a bit out of breath already. Found the spot? Found the tail? It didn’t matter. _What is she doing to me?_ He wondered. Maybe he should have worried but he didn’t really have the presence of mind to think about it right now.

And Eudoxia wasn’t going to give him the time anyway. Her hand moved, dragging a line between his butt cheeks and advancing up over the soft flesh between, before reaching the hairs at the root of his cock. Finally he could feel the warmth of those fingers where he most wanted them.

But she kept her pace tortuously slow. She traced all the veins, ridges, and ripples and examined the length thoroughly before finally reaching the tip, drawing a finger through the clear precum that was already seeping from between the folds, and spreading it around.

Then her wondering thumb found the responsive underside of the tip and Orestes couldn’t help but let out a small whimper. The look she gave him was surprisingly more delighted than victorious. Emboldened by his reaction, she leaned down to rub the spot with her tongue. He dug his claws to the mattress and chewed on his lower lip as the thrilling sensations spread around.

Eudoxia had wrapped her hand around his length and was now slowly moving it up and down while still using her tongue to stimulate the tip. Once in a while she took the whole head inside her mouth and gave a few rapid sucks that made him buck.

He didn’t know why, but this felt different from his previous experiences, more akin to what he had had in his relationships before his breed change, but even better. He felt so alert to her, his own body more electrified and sensitive. Maybe it was that something like this happening, with her out of all, was something really unexpected. Maybe it was because, while not romantic, this wasn’t business either. Or maybe it was her scent. _How come she smells so good?_ Or maybe it was that she wasn’t at all what he had assumed her to be, that he might actually like her.

Whatever it was, with her there was not a hint of anything mechanical or performative that he always maintained, even with his closest regulars. He desired to make her feel good, not because of the bet or any personal gain, but because he wanted to. He enjoyed her, not the act itself. Upon realizing this he reached his hand down to stop hers. Eudoxia lifted her head with a questioning look in her eyes as he sat up and smiled.

“Can’t really let you finish me up like that, all on my own. Come here.” He guided her to sit facing him, her legs on top of his own, making her round her back and allowing him access to what lied between. Slowly he started to stroke her with the back of his hand. She was still so wet and his hand glided easily so he added a bit of pressure. She reached down to take his cock into her hand and resumed the up and down motion, but slower, matching his pace.

He slid a finger between the folds and found the clit again, rubbing it with his thumb. She let out a small sound, like a faint screech, and closed her eyes. Slowly she was becoming unraveled, but so was he. Watching her face, Orestes couldn’t help but think that she looked beautiful.

They were both messing up their pace from time to time now as their own pleasure distracted them from the rhythm their hands tried to keep up. And her scent was becoming intoxicating. It was so powerful now, like it was amplified by the heat. Her body, twisting and shaking, and the little noises she was letting out were making him drunk with lust. He resisted the urge to close his eyes. He wanted to pull her closer to him and bury his face to that scent but he just kept watching. There was one more expression he wanted to see on her face.

Then she suddenly opened her eyes and his heart jumped. All he felt at that moment, the desire, the conflicting emotions, must have been plain to see on his face but she didn’t say a thing. Instead she moved closer and got up on her knees, positioning herself over him.

“You sure?” He whispered once he realized what she intended to do.

She nodded in reply and lowered herself into his lap, guiding him in with her hand. When she started to move Orestes couldn’t take it anymore. He wrapped an arm around her and closed his eyes, taking in all the sensations she was giving him.

She was rolling her hips with increasing intensity. He kept a tight hold of her, lips pressed against her skin and the other hand wandering up and down her body. It felt so good. She felt so good.

His breathing was getting hitched as he neared his peak, toes curling, hips thrusting up to meet hers. He tried to hold it back. She seemed to be so close and if he could just last for a bit more— Then her whole body was shuddering in his arms, a low, prolonged moan of satisfaction emerging from her mouth.

Her climax was clenching around his cock, seeming to suck it in and push it out at the same time and he wasn’t able to hold back anymore. He was swept away by the wave of pleasure and his mind blanked.

They stayed in the embrace for a moment while their breath evened out. Then she started to pull away, making him swiftly release his hold on her. She settled down some distance away from him and he lied down too, feeling warm and satisfied but also a little confused. _What is going to happen now?_

“Well that was inconclusive. Neither of us won,” she finally chuckled.

“Did I at least get you to like a me?” He asked with a cheeky grin.

“I do not dislike you.”

“I’ll take it. It’s a start.”

“Start for what exactly?” She inquired, looking amused.

“I don’t know. Something else than constant head butting at least?” He shrugged.

“Ah. Might be. We shall see.”

He humphed at her answer. _Might! What does that mean?_ He decided to poke a bit more.

“Why do you hate what I do so much?” He asked. “I mean, if you really think it’s just morally wrong then I accept that as an answer, but— I get the feeling it’s not all there is to it?”

“I can answer that if I can ask you something first,” she replied, looking at him with narrowed eyes.

“Sure, go ahead.”

“You are not having affairs, are you? You are selling yourself.”

It wasn’t the question he was prepared for. He considered denying it for a moment. Surely it would just increase her dislike towards him if he admitted it. But again he got the feeling that she would know if he lied. It was the way the question had been asked, or more like not asked, but stated, like a fact. Who knew, maybe she would surprise him yet again, so he decided to be honest.

“Well, it’s never worded quite that bluntly but yeah. How’d you figure it out?”

“Because I used to do that.”

Orestes’ head snapped up immediately. It certainly wasn’t anything he had expected to hear.

“Not for long, mind you. But I decided to try it out when I was younger. I really needed the money and learned that people pay really well for—,” she paused to grit her teeth, “— full ferals. And I somehow thought that I could get to feel like someone might actually—,” She looked too uncomfortable to continue but Orestes could guess what she had meant to say. _To feel like someone might actually want you._ He too had felt like that at first.

“Well, it was stupid of me. And in conclusion it ended up being very unsatisfying and honestly more than a little humiliating, the way I was defined by my oddity and nothing more.”

He didn’t quite know what to think. The revelation was certainly surprising considering her character. And also her status, as she was high born after all. He had always just assumed that she had lived a life of privilege. _What kind of situation could have driven her to that?_

“So, does it change your opinion of me, now that you know?” He finally asked.

“Not sure.” She furrowed her brows. “I can understand that sort of motivation a bit better. It is a proper profession, unlike idle affairs that just carry the potential for hurt and heartbreak. But I do not understand why go beyond what is necessary. I know it pays well enough that you would not need to do it that often, yet you seem to be very active. Why?”

“I like it,” he shrugged. “I have my needs and it’s not like anyone would sleep with me otherwise, don’t you think?” He continued before she could answer. “And I don’t take my payment as money nearly as often these days. I meant what I said earlier. I get information and it’s useful in my Guard job.”

“But you are getting used by them. Does it not bother you?”

Orestes rolled on his side, leaning his head on his palm. The only way he could convey his experience was to talk about it honestly.

“I’ve never had any qualms with that. I know my patrons are using me, but I’m also using them because there are things that I want from them. And when it’s something they consider depraved, like sleeping with a feral, they’re so much more willing to give these things to me since this happened,” he twirled a strand of his own fur around his finger.

“Since what happened?” Eudoxia asked, looking puzzled.

“You don’t know?” He was surprised. She was a relatively new arrival, but the gossip still surfaced from time to time. Had probably surfaced at least a couple of times since she had became the captain. Somehow she had managed to avoid it. “Well then, would you believe I was born as a Skydancer?”

“You have ruined the good image I had of them for good,” she deadpanned and Orestes chuckled. “But I think it does explain some things. Like your affinity for fighting despite your breed. And why you insist on fighting like a bird with hands.”

“Hey, that hurts my feelings you know! It’s not really that easy to start all over again,” he muttered. The remark had stung a bit more than he was comfortable with. She immediately looked regretful.

“Please forgive me, that was uncalled for. But why did you change then?”

“It wasn’t by choice. I upset someone I shouldn’t have and they cursed me.” Orestes grimaced.

“Was it your fault?” Eudoxia’s question was blunt as ever but he didn’t mind for some reason. Maybe he had needed to talk about it with someone for a long time now.

“I don’t know. In some ways it was but also wasn’t. I was young and stupid, less experienced, but I might’ve been able to see the signs of something bad coming if I had any sense. Or if I had listened to my friends. He gave me all these wonderful gifts, making me feel really special and I obliged him for too long. When I finally said no, it was too late.”

“And this curse. It is why you are still a Tundra?”

“Yeah. Breed magic doesn’t work. He went to a blood witch and I was cursed with Sacrifice magic. I can get back for a day or two but then it just sort of— fades away. I’m stuck.”

“I see.” She seemed to consider this for a while before speaking again. “Is it difficult? Being something you didn’t volunteer to be, I mean? I admit I cannot even imagine how I would feel if something like that happened to me.”

“Not really.” He shrugged. The familiar bravado came easily at this point. “I’ve always been quick to adapt and this form has its advantages. I get constantly underestimated in fights because I’m a Tundra. Their mistake.”

“I assume your previous meihin wasn’t feral?” Her voice was quieter as she asked this.

“It wasn’t. It changed, completely.” He stopped himself before saying anything more. There were things he didn’t want to say. Not just to her. Not to anyone. “I was much prettier back then!” He tried to laugh it off.

He didn’t feel like there was much else to add and the silence continued for a good while. It was getting late and the mattress was comfortable so the sleepiness started to creep in. Eudoxia had closed her eyes already. But Orestes didn’t feel like ending the night with such solemn tone so he attempted to pick up the conversation again.

“I do wonder what it is that causes our meihins to be different. Is it just coincidence or is there a reason? What do you think?” Too late he realized that sticking at the the topic wasn’t really going lighten the mood at all. Her reply proved it to be true.

“I think it’s the fear. You have all that hair for the same reason I have all these scales. It is for protection. We cannot let go of that instinctual wall. We are cowards inside, you and me.”

“Come on, I have no walls. I wear my heart on my sleeve,” he tried to protest.

“I wonder if that really is the truth?” She simply said. Then she closed her eyes again and settled herself to the bed more comfortably, effectively closing the conversation.

Of course it wasn’t the truth. Of course he hid things. He knew he didn’t want to think about his life too much, but it didn’t mean there was anything there to think about. Or maybe there was, but who cared. He had made the choice not to think about it. He specifically didn’t want to think about it. Being turned to a Tundra had nearly driven him mad. It was just his endless stubbornness that had gotten him back out, back in the game, not to let him win, not to let them or anyone see how fragile his house of cards might have turned out to be.

Besides, it was over two decades ago, why should he be bothered by it anymore? He might have lost lovers, but he had gained patrons, which was more in the sense that he got higher up in hierarchy, wasn't tied to anyone, and got more everything. He had originally kept doing it because trying to break a Sacrifice spell was expensive, but it had been fun too. And in the end he had noticed it wasn’t actually that much different from before. He got clearly paid for what he did instead of getting expensive gifts from admirers. And of course no one took him out to dances or any such social gatherings anymore, like they had done when had been a beautiful and coveted companion. But otherwise things didn’t change that much. He hadn’t needed their emotions before and he didn’t need them now either, which just made things easier as there were none involved. He merely wanted the things they could provide him with.

But as the years passed he had slowly given up on getting back to where he was and was now using the money to make his life as nice and comfortable as possible. Maybe he couldn’t get back to what he had been, maybe he was an ugly monster now, but he damn well could surround himself with pretty things. Besides, he had physical needs, plenty of them. Who else would sleep with him?

 _She just did_ , a voice from way far back of his mind spoke up.

 _That doesn’t count_ , his conscious mind rebuffed. _It was just a drunken bet._

_Oh yeah, she’s definitely the type of person to have sex with anyone who says ‘ooh I’ll bet that—’_

“Shut up!” he hissed quietly to himself. This was exactly why he didn’t like to think too much. He preferred to keep things simple and uncomplicated. But there was no stopping the thoughts now.

_They do like that I’m confident and cocky, even with my little problem, but is there anyone who actually likes me?_

Had he reached a point where he would like to be liked?

Had he even been enjoying any of it lately?

“I wonder if that really is the truth,” he quietly repeated her question out loud.

How could such a simple little sentence cause such a disturbance inside him? Was it that no one had asked before? Or was it who had asked? And here was someone who wasn’t impressed by him at all, who only knew him when he wasn’t trying to charm or impress anyone. She was sleeping next to him. Even with the wine, even if it had been a bet— why?

And what did he think about her now? Had he learned more than he wanted to know? All these new little things, like her unexpected insecurity. Her apparent complicated past. Or how much his careless words could actually hurt her even though she could hide it all too well. But then the way her laughter rose huskily from deep within and what hearing it had done to him. Like the way her nose wrinkled when she smiled. And she had laughed and smiled. At him? With him?

He wondered what her first turning had been like. If it was indeed fear that caused it and Eudoxia hadn’t been through a breed change like him, why was her meihin also completely feral? What had she been so terrified of?

He used the opportunity to look at her while she slept. She looked younger, sleeping so peacefully, her face relaxed. Orestes had assumed that she was older than him but maybe that wasn’t the case after all. He wiped a stray curl off her face. Scales or not, he couldn’t see anything ugly at all in her, not like in his own feral form. He had thought her handsome enough to look at before but now it was different. Everything looked more detailed, like he had just never properly noticed her before. And she made him feel weird. Looking at her now made his heart race and sent light currents of electricity from his chest, down his arms and back. _What is this?_

Orestes rolled on his back and stared at the ceiling, eyes wide, realization slowly dawning. _I’m not— This is—?_ He couldn’t remember the last time he had harboured even the slightest crush on anyone and it must’ve been when he was still so young that it was more childish affection than anything serious. Now here he was, his heart fluttering merely at the sight of her, thinking about things like her scent and her voice, and wanting to touch and hold her. Wanting to know more about her.

Wanting to kiss her.

He cursed silently and covered his face with his hands, pressing down hard, like he could force these thoughts out of his head that way. He had managed perfectly fine so far without these sorts of feelings so why start now?

_What a mess this is._

Just then Eudoxia turned around in her sleep, curling up with her back to him. He could see her starting to shiver. Orestes’ fur kept him warm enough and the room wasn’t really cold but the fireplace hadn’t had quite enough time yet to make it properly warm either. There were no blankets or anything in sight. The room really wasn’t used much.

With a sigh he turned on his side, carefully smoothing her spines that the shivering had started to raise again. Then he gingerly pressed himself against her back, wrapping an arm around her. It was probably not a good idea but she was cold and at the moment he was too tired and confused to think about it too much, except that he didn’t want her to be cold.

She hadn’t woken up and after a while Orestes relaxed a bit. Then she let out a sleepy sigh and pressed herself tighter against him. His heart skipped a beat. He knew it wasn’t him she was snuggling against, that she was just seeking the warmth in her sleep. But it still made him just a bit happier and he fell asleep with a light smile on his lips.

———

She was gone by the time he woke up. He couldn’t repress the tinge of disappointment it caused him. She probably didn’t like the situation she found herself in after sobering up. But it wasn’t like waking up alone was anything new to him. He should be used to it by now.

He sat up and looked around. It was impossible to tell what time it was since the room had no windows, but the fire was still burning and the room was now really warm. Then he noticed a book and a few scrolls next to the bed. Puzzled, he moved to take a look.

 _She remembered_ , he thought as he read the title of the book, _Journal of the Relocation of Arumarvia Village_. They were the ones she had mentioned last night and he wasn’t sure what to think about it.

He got up and got dressed. He didn’t bother changing back to dragon, since the books were easier to carry as meihin. He just hoped it was either early or late enough to get to his room without bumping into anyone.

She wasn’t in her office either but it still felt awkward walking out through that room. The whole place smelled like her, a scent that he was now acutely aware of. The corner where her solar blades had glowed last night was now dark and empty, which probably meant she really had started her day and wouldn’t be coming back.

At the common room side door he stopped to listen for awhile, making sure there was no one there. After hearing nothing but silence, he opened the door and slipped out, making his way back to his room. He didn’t see or hear anyone on the way.

It turned out to be quite early still. After turning back to dragon form and putting on his armour, Orestes had time to quickly browse through the contents of the book and scrolls. The book was an account of moving a whole village away from a valley that was about to be flooded. The scrolls contained information about specific types of skills and spells required to build with magic, so in essence instructions for builder dragons. Most of the technical stuff went over his head, but he decided to take a look at them again after finishing the book, to see if they made more sense then.

He was forced to put the book away, as it was already time for morning assembly, and he made his way out to the courtyard. It went quietly. He was on time and so the captain didn’t yell at him. Otherwise, there was no difference when compared to any other morning assembly. Things seemed to be back to what they had been, like nothing had changed. But everything had changed, for him at least. It was hard seeing that expressionless face again and so he avoided looking as much as possible.

It was later in the day that he decided to go see Wynnir. The scribe was always full of happy chatter and he hoped it would help take his mind off of things. The scribe’s chamber was at the top floor of the storage building and he only needed to cross the courtyard from the barracks to get there. He had just made his way to the storage building and closed the front door behind him when he detected a scent that made him freeze in place. He looked up and there she was, coming down the stairs, wings tightly folded to avoid grazing at the stone walls of the narrow passage. She also stopped after getting out of the stairs when she saw him.

“Captain,” he managed to salute her, trying to recover from the unexpected meeting.

“Orestes,” she nodded. “You were on time this morning.”

“Well, I just happened to spend the night nearby. I’ll be late again tomorrow, promise,” he tried to joke. The reception was a cold silence. He tried to come up with something else to say.

“Thanks for the books by the way. They looked interesting,” he finally said.

“Oh. You are welcome. They are not the most informative ones but I must have returned the rest to Garou already. You should go see him at the library if you want to read more about it.”

“Yeah, I’ll do that once I’ve finished the ones you gave me. Thanks.”

“No need to thank me.”

He searched his mind desperately for something, anything to delay the inevitable but it was of no use. It had to be brought up.

“Uh— About last night—,” he mumbled awkwardly.

“Last night,” she frowned. “Yes. I suppose it must be talked about.”

Not a warm reaction at all. Not that he had expected one. Besides he didn’t even know what he wanted from her or what to make of these feelings he was suddenly having. It wasn’t like he wanted to pursue anything more with her, did he? _Definitely not._ But somehow he still felt dissatisfied. And guilty.

“Look, I feel really bad about what happened” he sighed. “I shouldn’t have joked about bets and such things. And most of all I shouldn’t have accepted that bet. It was irresponsible from me. You were drunk and I feel like I took advantage of that. I’m sorry.”

She seemed to take her time with a reply. Nothing changed on her face but he wondered if she was enjoying watching him squirm.

“I was not the only one drinking so you cannot take the blame all on your own. It is shared equally. But I am your commanding officer. Last night was a serious lapse in judgement on my part and as your captain I should have known better. I apologize,” she said, pausing for a bit before continuing, “and I would appreciate it if we could just put it behind us.”

“Yes, I agree,” he replied hurriedly, forcing his face to show a smile. “We can just forget that it ever happened. That would be for the best.”

_Wouldn’t it?_

“Good, that is settled then.” If he had hoped to see or hear any hint of regret in her voice, he was to be disappointed. “Well, we both have our duties to return to. There will be a night inspection today and I am expecting you there at the regular time.” Then she turned around and briskly walked away, toward the basement stairs, just roaring, “Try not to be late!” as an afterthought over her shoulder.

Orestes let out a sigh and slumped against the wall as soon as she was out of sight. Not a hint of Eudoxia was left in the captain. Whatever she had allowed him to see last night was now again closed tightly and locked away. He should just let it be and move on. Forget that it happened, just like he had suggested himself.

_But how can I?_

This had been a huge mistake. Her scent still lingered. It was actually everywhere at the Guard post, once you noticed it. He hadn’t thought that he could hate being a Tundra more than he already did, but apparently he had been wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo boy, the Orestes chapter is done! Eudoxia's chapter will take a little while as I'm only about halfway done with that part. I feel like I've become blind to the words I write so I just hope there aren't any weird repeats or holes in there.


	3. Eudoxia gets to share her point of view

She had first seen him by accident. It was an unbearably hot day at the end of the summer and Eudoxia couldn’t focus on her books. She had taken one with her and went out to the tower near the training grounds, hoping that there would be some wind to cool her a bit if she moved higher up. She climbed the stairs to the highest floor with open windows and settled herself near one, taking a quick glance at the training field below before getting back to her reading.

But to her surprise Orestes was there, practicing his sword and flying even though there was no scheduled practice. The practices he often skipped. He was a complete slacker so why was he out there? She put the book down and trained her attention to the field.

Orestes had landed and stopped, appearing to be lost to a thought for a moment before changing to a meihin. His looked to be on the shorter side, but well built. Wide shoulders, stocky, good stance as far as she could judge meihins. And hairy. It was probably because of the heat but he wasn’t wearing his normal armour, just light breeches and a sword belt and she had gotten a good look at him. Most meihins kept very little of their original skin, be it scale or fur. But there he was, completely covered in seafoam fur, longer strands hanging from his joints.

 _He— he is a feral? A complete feral!_ Eudoxia had thought, shocked to see one besides herself. And one that had been this close, all this time. The confusion had been enough to distract her so she hadn’t immediately reacted to what he was obviously about to do down below.

He had dropped his sword belt to the ground and retrieved another weapon from the armoury at the side of the practice field, something akin to a spear but with a three pronged blade. He had started a series of practice movements, fluid and lethal looking. It was against the rules to train and fight in meihin form. She should have gone out and chewed him another one for stepping out of line yet again. He deserved to be expelled for breaking that particular rule but— she couldn’t. It was beautiful. Intense. She had been mesmerized by it. It hadn’t even mattered what his meihin looked like, she was charmed.

She had observed him at normal weapons practice and had regularly sparred against him. He was a decent fighter. His form was good, moving smoothly from one stance to another, which was not a small feat for a Tundra. He kept his short sword either in his hands or his mouth, and he was a skillful flyer with a good eye for battle tactics. He might have been better if he hadn’t been so lazy and actually attended practice more often.

But his whole essence while meihin had been different. Orestes’ new weapon choice had been much longer and heavier and probably impossible for him to use in his regular dragon form. As meihin it had been different. His hands could grasp with greater dexterity, and his moves flowed gracefully into each other. There was also an added fire, a force and passion that showed through every deliberate step he took. He seemed completely immersed in what he did. He couldn’t rely on any of his normal tactics that were based on him being airborne most of the time. This was a more powerful, more savage way to fight, yet somehow so controlled— elegant even.

Seeing it lit something inside Eudoxia and it was insufferable because it was _him._  Orestes never took anything seriously. And yet— there must have been some internal motivation that drove him to this, despite his normal, lazy and seemingly careless behaviour. And judging by the level of his skill he had been doing this for years. It didn’t seem at all in line with the character of Orestes she thought she knew.

She had often looked for opportunities to see him practice again after that. Frequently getting frustrated with herself for being attracted to the Tundra, the worst possible person she could think of, she vowed to stop. Though it never lasted for longer than couple of weeks before she was again looking for opportunities to watch him.

Then came a day when she could have pretty confidently expected him to go out and practice. Eudoxia had been watching him for nearly half a year now. It hadn’t taken her too long to learn the conditions he required. The day guards had both been away and Wynnir had gone home already. There was no night inspection so she herself should have been safely away in her office the whole evening and night.

But it had also been one of those days when she had been fighting with herself, trying not to go. During the morning inspection she had taken out her anger on him. Allowing herself to slip like that had made her even more irritated. She had been pacing between her desk and the door, undecided, when the knock came. Glad for the distraction she had opened, heart nearly stopping when she had realized who stood on the other side. She had then invited him in.

———

Now she was in a predicament. When Eudoxia opened her eyes she felt content and comfortable, like she had been wrapped in something soft and warm. It took a moment for her to be properly awake, but when she was it was a surprise to find that the warmth came from Orestes. He had pressed himself against her back, an arm curled around her waist. Her legs and tail were tangled together with his. She somehow managed to keep her spines from flaring in response to the situation and so he kept sleeping soundly behind her.

After the initial shock had worn off she decided to indulge herself a bit and stayed there for a while, enjoying the sensation of being held. She felt his steady breath somewhere between her shoulder blades, and his firm thighs against hers. Eudoxia was very aware of his arm around her and it felt equally firm and strong under the soft fur. She had already confirmed it the night before, but she was still stunned to realize there was nothing lazy about his body. He might have been skipping guard practice as often as he could but he obviously took his other, secret weapon practice seriously. She had so many questions about it, but she couldn’t ask any of them without letting him know that she had seen him.

Her limbs were starting to ache from having stayed in a same position for who knows how long. It felt earlier than the time she normally woke but it was hard to tell in the windowless room. With a sigh she carefully removed herself from his hold, making sure not to wake him. Sitting up on the mattress, she turned to look at him.

Orestes looked different when he was asleep. His face had a boyish quality to it and had she not known his age she would have thought him much younger. She had spent a lot of time studying his face last night and had thought his expressions relaxed and confident, but there had been an undercurrent of something hard and closed at times. It had been nothing obvious, just the subtlest of things that Eudoxia probably wouldn’t have even noticed if she hadn’t been looking at him so intently.

He had expressed the opinion that no one would sleep with him but those who saw it as— depraved? And thus worth paying for. Was that what he really believed? Other than the fur, he looked normal. Attractive even, at least when that annoying smirk was gone from his face. And she didn’t mind the fur either. It had felt nice. But maybe it was just that she was feral herself, maybe that twisted her own perception? Or maybe she was depraved too?

Eudoxia got up and began to put her armour back on as quietly as possible. She was bothered. She had assumed that she could get over her obsession for him by indulging herself just once, so she had seized the opportunity that his challenge had given her. But it hadn’t worked. In fact, she now realized that it just intensified the desire and she was now painfully aware of him being there. She needed to be somewhere else to think more clearly so she escaped.

While exiting she remembered her promise of the books. She decided to distract herself by gathering them for the sleeping Tundra. Whether he actually took them or not remained to be seen but she needed to busy herself. But her wayward mind kept wandering back to the very act she tried so hard not to think about. She had liked it, _really_ liked it. She had missed being intimate with someone for so long and he had been a skillful lover, coaxing reaction after reaction from her. Heat rose to her face when she remembered all that he had discovered about her, some she hadn’t even known herself.

_Belly rubs? Seriously?_

And she wasn’t meant to talk with him like that: telling such things about herself, hearing about his life, his experiences, his viewpoint. Maybe he hadn’t been quite the person she had assumed him to be and they might have had more in common than she previously knew but still, she definitely didn’t want to come to understand him. It would just end up with her getting hurt.

But she also remembered his face, that expression she had seen a glimpse of when she had opened her eyes. At that moment she had been sure that he wanted her as much as she wanted him and had made her move to close the remaining distance between them without even thinking about it. Now that it was morning and she was sober again, she changed her mind. She must have seen wrong, interpreted it incorrectly. But the memory didn’t leave her alone. For that one brief moment—

 _You know what he is! There is no reason to think it meant anything to him._ _This needs to stop!_

She had gotten what she wanted, his body against hers. That was all. There were no feelings other than that, so she should be satisfied now. Steeling her face and her heart she walked back to the room he was sleeping in. Setting the pile she had gathered next to the mattress where he slept she took one last look on him and then strode from the room, determined that it would end there.

———

She had kept away for a whole month afterwards, keeping her distance and behaving like nothing had happened, before she was again back at the tower. She had wanted to see more and Orestes provided. During the next few months she saw how he was now coming to the training field as often as he possibly could, spending more and more time practicing. It was an exhaustive but also dangerous schedule and he looked to be getting more careless with avoiding detection. Oddly though, he was improving at his normal duties. He was on time at the morning inspections and was not giving as much attitude, at least compared to before.

Today at the training fields he was early and completely skipped the warm-ups in his dragon form. He just strolled out there, changed forms and started his drill. _With no perimeter check, no care at all! Someone else might still be here. Someone else might see!_

Her annoyance turned to sudden panic at the thought of what the result of that would be. Without thinking she climbed onto the windowsill and jumped. As soon as she was free from the confines of the structure, she spread her silver wings and silently glided down to the training field. Despite not making a sound, something alerted him to her presence, maybe a shadow or a movement at the corner of his eye, or her scent on the wind, and he spinned around to face her as she landed on the sand. The dust cloud she raised when she folded her wings concealed his initial reaction to being discovered, so when she finally could see him, his face betrayed nothing of what he was thinking.

“Ah, I figured that sooner or later someone might find out. Sooner it is then.” His tone was relaxed but his posture stiffened as he waited for the inevitable consequences of breaking the Guard rules.

Now that she was down at the ground she didn’t know what to say or do. She hadn’t planned to do anything of this sort. _Why did I do that? Have I no control over myself?_ The silence was growing longer and she had to say something.

“You really should be more careful if you are going to break the rules,” she started, “Toma and Kie will usually take their breaks and come back here around this time so it would be better to start a bit later. An hour at least if you want to avoid Wynnir too, as he sometimes leaves late. And make sure that tower over there,” she pointed her wing to the direction where she came from, “is really empty.” She wondered if there was anything else to add but could think of nothing. Orestes didn’t say anything in reply, just looked at her with a confused expression. She shuffled her feet as the silence continued and the atmosphere grew more awkward. There really was nothing more to say. She had turned to leave when he finally called out after her.

“You’re not gonna kick me out?”

“No,” she said, her back still turned.

“But I broke the rules!”

“I know,” Eudoxia struggled to keep her tone even and dispassionate.

“Then why?” His voice sounded strangely strangled.

 _Why indeed?_ She knew she couldn’t stand the idea of Orestes leaving but what would she tell him? What excuse could she make? Would she even need to? She was the captain, so why would she need to explain herself?

Then she realized that there was an option. It was something simple, that would allow her to keep on watching him, since she had just revealed her observation spot to him and would be unable to use it in the future. She took a deep breath and focused inside, to the core of herself, changing just as slowly and awkwardly as last time, but more determined. Then, as a meihin, she finally turned to face him.

“I want you to teach me how to fight.”

“You want me to _what_?” He sputtered. The look of bewilderment on his face suddenly made her want to burst out laughing but she carefully kept herself expressionless. She had become very good at it.

“Teach. Me. How. To. Fight,” she spelled it out slowly.

“I heard you just fine. What I want to know is _why_?” His hands were gesturing wildly as he spoke. “You’re against breaking rules. This is breaking rules. Big time. Have you gone mad?”

 _Yes, I think I have,_ she thought.

“Not really,” she said out loud and shrugged. “You said before that you did not know anything about me and it seemed to bother you. I am giving you an opportunity to change that.”

She wished she could have read what was going on in his mind at that moment. His brows furrowed and the most obvious emotion was confusion. But he also looked conflicted. She wondered why that was, since she was offering for him to continue doing what he did without any consequences. The choice should have been easy.

“Fine, I’ll teach you,” he finally sighed, averting his eyes to the ground. “I have no idea why you want to do it, but I could use an actual opponent to be honest.” Then he turned his gaze back to her. “But you do realize you can’t fight with your claws and teeth like this? That you need to learn to use a weapon?”

“I am aware!” She snapped. But in reality she hadn’t really had any time to even think about it. And now she had to choose. “But I do not have any practical knowledge about weapons so—,” she admitted as much to him.

“I can teach you either swords or polearms, something that is like this,” he showed her the weapon he was holding.

“Where exactly did you get that thing from anyway?” She asked. Eudoxia  had been curious about the trident for awhile. There was something strange about it and she had tried to take a closer look before, but could never find where Orestes hid it when he wasn’t training.

“It’s from the armoury,” he replied, nodding towards the stone building at the edge of the field.

“That is strange. I have no recollection of seeing such a weapon there.”

“Well you wouldn’t. You don’t use weapons,” he snorted. “And no one else seems to be interested in using it either.”

“No, I know what is in there. I do the inventories every season. It is not ours,” she assured.

“What do you mean? It’s been there for a long time now!” he laughed but the tone was incredulous.

Eudoxia looked at the trident with suspicion.

“Can you try something for me? Put the weapon down on the ground.”

Orestes looked confused but did what she asked. As soon as the weapon was out of his hands, it sort of blended in. The white wood of the shaft turned to sand colour and then acquired the texture of the ground, while the blade just rippled for a moment before nearly disappearing from her vision. Eudoxia turned her head away for a moment and when she looked back, she couldn’t notice the weapon at first. Only after some effort and concentration could she finally start to make out the distinct shape.

“It looks like you have found a magical weapon,” she concluded. Orestes looked even more confused, so she continued. “The reason no one else is using it is because no one else can see it.”

“Are you trying to tell me that you can’t see it? It’s right there!” He motioned to the weapon, furrowing his brows.

“I can see it if I focus, but only because I know where it is supposed to be. Otherwise I would not be able to.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Do you really think that I am the sort of a person to do that?”

“I don’t know. You tell me,” he said, eyes suddenly narrowing, tone turning unkind. “Are you that kind of a person?”

Eudoxia noticed the barb in those words, but decided to ignore it as any irritation he might have felt towards her wasn’t entirely unwarranted. He knew very little about her. But she could say the same about him. This might be an unexpected opportunity to mend that, to verify or dispel any doubts she had about his character.

“I am not,” she sighed. “You can take that weapon to anyone you trust and ask them. They will tell you the same thing, that they cannot see it.”

The look on his face was still a little skeptical but he seemed to have accepted that she at least wasn’t trying to joke at his expense.

“Okay then, it’s an enchanted weapon. I’m not entirely sure what to do with that knowledge but it does explain some things.”

“What kind of things?” Eudoxia was curious.

“When I found this weapon it almost felt like— it was calling to me, pulling me towards it.” Orestes looked at her and furrowed his brows a bit. “I wouldn’t have never even thought of trying to fight as meihin if it hadn’t been for that call and my complete inability to use this kind of weapon in my dragon form. The urge was that strong.”

Hearing him explain it shifted Eudoxia’s perception of the Tundra slightly. It sounded like the trident was sentient and had chosen him. You couldn’t use a sentient weapon unless the weapon allowed it and they were infamously picky about their wielders. And he had been chosen by one. She tilted her head, trying to puzzle it out. There was definitely more to this dragon that she had previously thought.

“But time is passing and we need to find you a weapon.” Orestes suddenly changed the topic. “Let’s head to the armoury so you can try a few, see what feels the best.”

After testing various weapons she decided on a staff, since pole weapons were a type he could most effectively teach her. Starting from something that had no sharp blades also seemed like the most sensible choice. She had plenty of theoretical knowledge about weapons, as any captain of an armed force should, but she had never learned to actually use one. They didn’t fit her fighting style that relied mostly on her sharp spines, claws, teeth, body weight, and brute strength.

“Your armour is too heavy for wielding staves,” he commented. “You need to be able to move with as little hindrance as possible so your plate mail isn’t going to be any good.”

“Oh. Of course.” It was obvious once she thought about it, but it also posed a problem. “This is the only armour with transforming magic that I own. I have had no use for such a thing before this.”

“Right,” he muttered. “You could still change your weapon choice to something heavier. There are some two-handers in the armoury, so maybe a claymore?  You certainly have the strength for it.” He smirked, but Eudoxia didn’t detect any mockery in the expression.

“No, I would prefer the staff.” She had weighed her options and wasn’t going to change her mind. “I could use just plain clothes? At least until I figure something out.”

“Plain clothes are fine if you just want to swing a stick but you said yourself that you wanted to learn to fight. And you know as well as I do that transforming armour is not cheap or easy to find, so figuring it out any time soon is not likely. But—” Orestes looked away, chewing his lip while looking to be thinking about something.

Eudoxia suddenly felt a silly need to give him a light tap on his head and tell him to stop biting, that it was a bad habit. It was something her father had done to her. Her father towering so tall over her, with all the potential for looking so scary in his spiky armour, but with that soft smile on his face. The expression that was only reserved for his youngest daughter. Special smile just for his tiny Faeling— Orestes’ voice awakened her from her memories.

“I— I have something that I can lend to you, if you’re really set on learning the staff.” He wasn’t quite looking her in the eyes when he spoke.

 _He is being shifty about something_ , she thought, trying to shake the remnants of her reveries out of her mind. But he was just talking about armour so Eudoxia couldn’t quite understand what reason there was for looking so uncomfortable.

“It is not stolen property or anything, is it?” She voiced the only thing she could think of.

“What? No.” He finally looked at her properly. “Nothing like that. It’s mine, trust me. And it’s not dirty or in bad repair either, if you’re wondering about that. At least it wasn’t the last time I checked. It’s just that— well, it’s been stored away for quite a while.”

 _That is it? Stored away?_ She couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more.

“At least you could try it on,” he continued. “See if it works for you?”

“Fine. I will see this armour of yours.” She still had her doubts but was also curious to see if she could find out more if she took him up on his offer.

 _What are you doing Eudoxia? Have you taken leave of your senses?_ Her mind was berating her as Orestes told her to follow him to his living quarters.

Enough time had passed that it should have been safe to not change back to dragon form but they were careful while making their way to the barracks. Eudoxia still wasn’t very comfortable with the change and preferred to avoid doing it uselessly.

He lead her to a door inside of the barracks that looked too big for his size. _Of course, he was a Skydancer_ , she remembered, realizing that he must have never changed to smaller rooms. He hesitated a bit at the door, turning to look at her.

“You did not think this far ahead again, did you?” She asked, letting her amusement show with just the slightest twitch at the corner of her mouth. “I can wait outside if you want me to.”

Instead of answering he just shook his head and chuckled a bit, pushing the door open with his shoulder and motioning for her to go in.

Eudoxia had no idea what she had expected but the place still surprised her. Her first impression was colours. There was an abundance of colourful textiles and pillows in the room. Looking up she saw coloured glass in the shape of orbs and crystals hanging from the ceiling, casting rays of rainbow light on the walls. The room had all the potential to look gaudy but somehow it worked. The place was pretty and there were nooks on the walls, some with books, some with plants, that balanced it out. It was a comfortable looking space.

Orestes had gone ahead and opened a heavy curtain at the left side of the room, revealing a dimly lit opening to another space. He went in and rummaged around for a bit, coming out carrying an armour set.

“These should work for what you need,” he said as he handed it over to her.

The set was made of black leather and had some kind of decorative pattern on it. All the laces and clasps, as well as some decorative details were deep red in colour. It matched her own red pretty well as far as she could see.

“Where—” she started, a bit embarrassed. “Where can I change?”

“You can change there.” He pointed to the room he just came from. “Uh, just, don’t look around too much. I haven’t cleaned in a while.” He had an uneasy look on his face as he said this.

Eudoxia entered the small room, closing the curtain behind her. It took a while before her eyes adjusted to the dimness. She started removing her platemail, remembering to say a silent thanks to its construction and the little tricks that allowed her to do it on her own. Then she took off her bright red scarf and the short sleeved tunic she wore over her doublet.

After removing the heavy doublet she quickly pulled the tunic back on over her head and tied the scarf around her neck. They were merely decorative garments, meant to show the colours of her family from under the armour, not to be worn as clothes or underarmour, but they would have to do for now. Her doublet was too thick and cumbersome to be worn under lighter armour.

Once done with her own clothes she started to look around for a mirror. It wasn’t really necessary but it would make it a bit easier to see what she was doing when trying to put on new armour. She spotted a piece of high standing furniture covered with a thick sheet at the corner of the room. She lifted the sheet to see that it was indeed a standing mirror, but that its surface had been smashed to hundreds of jagged shards. Startled, she began to look at her surroundings more carefully.

The walls were covered with fabrics of clashing colours and patterns. The haphazard arrangement of various types of paintings on the walls didn’t seem to make any sense. It all seemed out of place. She raised a corner of the fabric closest to her and gasped audibly at what she saw. The wall was scarred with deep claw marks. She lifted another piece of fabric, and then another, and it was all the same. It looked like the room had been completely destroyed at some point and then an attempt was made to hide the ruin.

Her discovery left her disturbed. What ever could have happened here? Eudoxia also felt a tiny pang of guilt, as Orestes had asked her not to look, even if the reason he gave hadn’t been true.

Realizing that she was taking too much time, she quickly began to put on the armour he had given her. The chest piece was a vest that fastened from the front. It was constructed of hardened leather all the way from shoulders to waist, then it turned to a more pliable material that had scales of harder leather sewn into it to protect the thighs of its wearer. The bracers and greaves were similarly patterned but made entirely of the hardened leather. The material transformed to fit her as she tied the laces and tightened the clasps, but she noted that it needed to shrink for her, not grow, and Orestes was shorter than her. It wasn’t a dragon fit either. _His— Skydancer meihin?_ Eudoxia guessed, but couldn’t be sure. Just one more question she couldn’t ask.

Setting a neutral expression on her face, she stepped out. The light was too bright after her time spent in the darker room and she had to close her eyes, shielding them from the light source on the ceiling for a moment. She thought she heard the sound of a sharp inhale but when she opened her eyes he was looking at her with his usual lazy smirk.

“Apologies if I took too long. It was quite dark and there was no mirror,” she said, deciding not to mention what she had found.

“Black suits you,” he observed her with a chuckle.

“This is a beautiful armour. Why are you not using it yourself?” she enquired, determined to satisfy at least some of her curiosity with a question that felt relatively safe to ask.

“Beautiful?” He seemed to ponder the word for a moment. “Yeah, I suppose it is. But it’s really not my style.”

“That is perhaps true. But still, it seems like such a waste.”

“Well it’s not wasted anymore since you can keep it,” his reply was terse. “Anyway, we should head back if we want to get anything done today.”

 _Keep it?_ He had talked about lending, but what led him to letting her keep the armour? She wanted to ask him about it, to protest in some way as the armour was way to valuable to just give away like that, but something about the way his jaw was set told her she shouldn’t ask right then. It could wait.

Orestes helped her carry her platemail to her office before they headed back to the training field. He picked up a staff too, a shorter and heavier one. Eudoxia thought that it probably suited his style better. They didn’t have much time left so most of it was spent getting her used to holding a weapon in her hands and absorbing in the impact of offensive strikes. Throughout the process she kept dropping the staff and getting frustrated with herself.

“It’s quite normal you know,” Orestes said. “You haven’t used your meihin or any weapons to fight before, so it takes time. Don’t worry about it too much.” Then as an afterthought he added, “And you’ll get blisters, just so you know. Get something for that.”

“Thank you,” she replied, surprised by the consideration he was now showing. She hesitated for a while before asking a question that was on her mind. “Was it this difficult for you too?”

“Not quite. I already had plenty of experience using weapons at that point. But I did suddenly have more fingers, which was an experience,” he snorted. “No, it was harder the other way around, learning to fight as a Tundra.”

“Is that why you do not seem to take it very seriously?”

“What’s the use?” Orestes shrugged. “I can’t be as good as I used to be. I’m a Tundra now so why bother too much?” He sounded indifferent but she noticed his grip on the staff tightening.

“I think you should strive to do the best you can. Even if it is not as good as what you want,” Eudoxia instinctively countered, resorting to the familiar role of someone who had the solutions.

“Pretty words. Also just as empty as a speck of Shade. And don’t try to tell me you even follow that advice yourself.” There was a relaxed smile on his face, but a harsh bite to his voice.

And the bite struck its target.  Had she even tried to make the best of her own situation? She hadn’t. She’d been offered this job and it would have been the perfect opportunity to start over. She could have decided to make this place her home and try to be happy. But she had just been isolating herself even further for the last five years. Was that isolation the reason she now found herself desperately craving the touch of the most unlikely dragon she could imagine? And it wasn’t just a physical need anymore. She actually wanted his company, and that thought scared her.

“You are right. I apologize and will not bring it up anymore,” she let out a sigh, suddenly feeling exhausted. “It is probably best to call it a day.” She turned toward the armoury without waiting for his reply, returning the staff to where she had taken it from. He hadn’t followed immediately so he entered as Eudoxia exited.

“When do you want to continue?” He asked, looking slightly confused at the sudden change in her behaviour.

“There is no need to. Not if you do not want to. There will not be any consequences so just—” She was so tired and couldn’t think straight. Not with him right there. “Just, come get me if you feel like you do. You know where to find me.” With that she pushed past him and briskly walked away, not wanting to see how he might have reacted to her words.

Eudoxia had forgotten that she was still meihin until she reached her own door, but she wasn’t going to change back here, out on the open space of the courtyard, so with a groan she pushed open the wicket gate at her door that was meant for the convenience of the smaller breeds, and shuffled inside. But instead of immediately abandoning her meihin, she went to a mirror at the back of the room to look at herself. It had been a while since she had seen the reflection of this form.

She was still as scaly as ever and older looking. Last time she had faced herself, she had still had some youthful plump to her cheeks. Her face had matured and was narrower, with a tired expression on it. She wished she could have seen past the scales, known what she would have really looked like beneath. _Would I look like mother? Father? Anyone?_ But she couldn’t. All she could focus on were the scales.

But Orestes had been right, the new armour did suit her. The black went well with her colours and the red accentuation on the leather was strikingly similar to her own shade. She could see now that it was scale patterned all over, which should have annoyed her but it didn’t. She had no idea what he had been thinking when he gave the thing to her but it felt like the garment was something he disliked. Maybe he had meant to mock her meihin? _Is he that kind of a person_? He had asked her the same thing just hours before. Maybe he had been thinking similar things about her. Eudoxia wasn’t sure what to think anymore.

With a weary sigh she started to remove the armour. _He is a feral too._ She undid the ties on her arms. _He said he did not mind._ Off came the bracers. _He ran his hands all over me._ She bent down to remove the greaves. _He kissed my skin._ Standing back up she started to undo the clasps that held the chest piece closed at the front. _Did he like it?_

She removed the piece, holding it in front of her for a while. Then she lifted it to her face, trying to see if she could detect even a hint of his scent. Nothing. The armour didn’t look like it had even been worn much before. Disappointed, she let the piece drop to the floor. _How pathetic am I_?

She wondered what his reaction would be if he knew what she was thinking right now. If she just suddenly appeared at his door like this, jumped on him and took him right then and there. _Probably just ask for a payment afterwards_ , her mind bitterly whispered. _And you might even pay if this goes on,_ another part sneered.

“No!” she snarled furiously to herself, turning her back to the mirror. _I need a drink._

She went to the hidden cupboard Orestes had discovered earlier. But the only thing she could find was the bottom of the bottle they had shared that night. It had been open for far too long and probably wouldn’t be drinkable. But she poured it in a goblet anyway and threw it back with one swift move, grimacing at the bitterness of it.

Eudoxia then slumped down onto the pillows, waiting for the wine to kick in. She wanted to distract herself with a book but her mind was in such a disarray that it would have been useless to even try.

 _What am I going to do now? Where do I go from here? What do I even want?_ She pondered. She had done something hasty and probably very irresponsible but somehow couldn’t bring herself to regret it at all. The thought of any kind of companionship felt so enticing. _Even if it is Orestes? Are you really going to allow yourself to seek some kind of connection with him?_

“Yes. I am so lonely. I am a sad, lonely excuse of a captain,” she chuckled as the wine started to warm her cheeks.

And maybe he wasn’t so bad. He certainly wasn’t what she had expected. But she could also tell he was hiding something. She had no idea what, but she could read faces well enough to know that even if he didn’t outright lie, he also didn’t always tell the truth. His smile was a mask but what really lied underneath was a mystery that she could only vaguely start to guess at. And what about that room she had seen? Could he have done that himself and if so, why?

 _I could get to know him. See if I could find out more._ But what would that take? She would need to let him in too. Could she do that and would it be worth it? One thing was sure, she couldn’t really carry on like nothing had happened anymore. Something had happened and it had changed everything. All her efforts to deny it had been in vain.

She lifted the hem of her tunic, slipped a hand between the legs and started stroking. In a dragon form the only thing she could do was to grind against something or try to use her tail. Doing it like this felt much nicer. _Maybe this meihin isn’t all bad_ , she decided as she allowed herself to slowly sink into a state where she didn’t need to think too much about anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hahaa, surprise! This is Eudoxia! Not quite what Orestes thought her to be. Ori is a pretty reliable narrator but he can't tell what he doesn't know and he doesn't know his captain, at all (yet) :P Fourth and final chapter will tell more about the underlying reasons for her behaviour, which still only get vaguely hinted at here.
> 
> Talking about that damned chapter, I've been really struggling with it, with what to include and not (and also so many feelings of inadequacy holy shit!) I know I posted Ori's part 2 only days after the first one, but unfortunately it's not gonna happen with Eudy. She's gonna need more time.
> 
> And one more thing, I kinda do want to explore how they both reacted to situations that were only told from the PoV of the other, so I might do kinda "lost chapters" type of thing after this. I didn't want to add them to this one, since I already decided on 4 chapters and these additions would only be like 1-2k words/chapter, so a bit too short to be worth adding to the total as they're not strictly necessary at all.
> 
> EDIT 8/12/2017: I've been really struggling with the content and pacing of the last chapter but in the end had to come to a conclusion that this story isn't going to be 4, but lots more chapters. I've updated the chapter count already and should hopefully be able to get the next one out somewhere within the next few weeks as it's going to be a bit shorter than the others.


	4. Orestes has caught feelings, it's unpleasant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoooly shit it is a new chapter!! Tremendous!
> 
> (also some more smut bc I wanted to. you're welcome)

Orestes felt like he was losing his mind. He couldn’t understand where these new feelings of his had come from and he couldn’t figure out how to get rid of them either. And he had tried, he really had.

The first time he had seen one of his clients after his night with Eudoxia had been strange. He had brushed it off as just some weird case of sudden body odour when the scent of the Imperial he had been with, a regular, had made him hold his breath at times.

But then it had happened again. And again. One by one he had found out that he couldn’t stand the smell of any of his clients anymore. It was almost like every unsavoury thought he might have ever had about them now manifested as a unique stench for each. With some the smell was easier. Those were the ones he actually liked. But with others he couldn’t even bear to be in the same room. Somehow he had powered through, finding ways to inhibit his sense of smell for a while and managing to not lose any reputation because of his new predicament. But in the end the whole idea of spending nights with any of them became too revolting and he had been forced to stop.

He had briefly considered asking Phoenicia about his problem. His friend would know about these things, scents and their meanings, since she had been born as a Tundra. Of course she was amnesiac and couldn’t say that for sure but she had no outward signs of once being something else, not like he had with his snout that was too long and narrow for a normal Tundra, a reminder of his Skydancer past. But asking her would mean she would find out about everything else too, even if he didn’t want to tell her. She was way too perceptive and giving her one crumb of information would make her sniff out the rest in no time.

Being disgusted by his clients’ smells hadn’t lessened his need for physical intimacy and Orestes had become increasingly more frustrated with the situation, until he finally thought he had figured it out. The solution was to leave. He needed to be away from _her_. This was all captain’s fault. She and her bewitching scent had done this to him and there was no escaping it if he stayed.

The problem was that he really liked his job at the Guard. Though perhaps using a word such as _like_ was underestimating it. His job had become a very important part of him during the decades. As much as he seemed to not care it actually grounded him and gave his days some much needed structure and he needed the purpose it gave to his life. What would his purpose be if he left? Even if he joined some mercenary group what kind of meaning would he find from that? Orestes knew he was going to regret it, sooner or later, so he didn’t want to make that decision. That left only one option. Someone else had to make it for him. Captain would have to kick him out. And he knew just the way.

Of course he also knew on some level that it was completely irrational. It was going to be his own doing, whether he walked into her office to resign, or acted in a way that meant someone would catch him breaking the Guard rules. But Orestes wasn’t thinking clearly. He was angry for losing his sexual release valve, but also starting to be uncertain of whether he truly didn’t understand his feelings or if he just didn’t want to accept them, and it made him erratic.

In the end she had caught him herself and to his absolute bewilderment had done nothing about it. Not only that, she had opened up again, allowing him a glimpse of that other one, the person who wasn’t captain. He had started to call that person Eudoxia in his mind, to separate her from the strict and emotionless side. _The real her?_ And then she had asked him for— _What? What does she actually want from me?_

Eudoxia’s behaviour was as confusing to him as his own emotions but there was one thing that was certain and it was that whatever he was feeling had become worse. Now he didn’t want to leave anymore. He didn’t want to resign and he definitely didn’t want her to kick him out. He was desperate to keep her on his sight, and with it this newly discovered sensation he had of hundreds of tiny fluttering wings inside his chest and something that he could almost describe as happiness that he felt every time he saw her. No matter how hard he tried Orestes was starting to lose the battle against his own feelings.

Then came the day that finally took the fight out of him for good. It was after a morning assembly. Orestes had worked the night before and should have headed to bed right after. Yet he didn’t. He was feeling way too restless to sleep so he made his way to the training field. He didn’t have practice in mind, intending to just walk around a bit and check on his trident. He hadn’t been practicing in some time, not since Eudoxia had found out about it, and he missed the feeling of the weapon’s smooth surface and leathery grips.

It was early morning so he didn’t dare to switch to his meihin when he went into the armoury. He was just going to look, or at most maybe feel the comforting weight of the weapon in his paws, and wouldn’t be needing his other form for that. But just as he picked up the trident he heard a noise outside. He quickly placed the weapon back on the rack and made his way out from behind the building in case it was Toma. He didn’t want to get caught in an impromptu practice session right now and she wouldn’t let him worm his way out of it, no matter how tired he was. Carefully he went to take peek around the corner of the building to see who it was, but instead of Toma he saw captain.

The training field was well lit but the sides were not and she didn’t seem to have noticed him. Things had been awkward between them lately and he didn’t yet have any answer for her, so he decided to stay put and wait until she had left. Besides, he didn’t mind the rare opportunity to just look at her without the danger of being discovered. The Ridgeback really was quite a wonderful sight to look at, now that he finally took notice. The crimson of her skin and silver on her wings seemed to have radiance of their own, no matter the lighting around her. And she carried herself well, head held up high and proud.

She was walking to the back of the training field where most of the targets and other practice equipment were situated. Despite wearing a heavy armour her movements looked easy, like she didn’t notice the weight much at all. Of course a Ridgeback was also a much larger breed and she could out-strength a small Tundra with no effort at all, but the way she had flipped him over so easily in her meihin form too had been impressive.

And her meihin and the leather armour— That thing was part of his Skydancer past, a gift turned vile by the actions of its giver. Orestes had been thinking about it a lot but he still wasn’t exactly sure why he had given it to Eudoxia. If he had thought it would help him to dislike her, it hadn’t worked. She had taken that thing and made it her own and Orestes hadn’t managed to completely cover his reaction as she had stepped out of that room. The armour had looked shockingly different, almost like it had been made just with the red meihin in mind. It had been the first time he had been able to honestly appreciate the beauty and the craftsmanship of the thing instead of just seeing his past and all the mistakes that had lead him to where he was now. It had been deeply disconcerting and in his rattled state he had snapped and ended up giving the damn thing to her, trying to avoid the probing questions she had made. _Do I regret it?_ He wondered but couldn’t decide on that either.

Eudoxia herself had been different too, freed from the confines of her regular plate armour. Walking slightly behind her as they had left his place Orestes had observed his captain, thinking that she moved like some sort of a wild parda, silent and graceful, but also very dangerous. Her step had been so light while wearing that thing and he had guessed that she would probably learn to become a quite a formidable fighter, agile but also strong, at least if he continued to teach her.

_If._

He had been thinking about it for the last two weeks but couldn’t reach any conclusion on the matter, as he couldn't understand her motivations at all. He might have had his doubts but the idea was tempting. She was strong but just how strong? He couldn’t deny that he did find himself curious, wanting to test her limits

From his concealed spot he continued to keep an eye on her. She was checking the condition of the targets and practice dummies by the looks of it. Some she placed aside, probably the ones she deemed in need of repairs or replacing, while others passed the inspection. She finally made her way to the high poles on top of which the targets for flying practice were. Orestes already knew them to be in a pretty bad shape. The captain stood up on her hind legs to reach higher up and shook one of the poles. The hay figure perched on top fell straight down to the ground, yet she made no move to collect it. Instead she sat down and just stared at it. She looked so dispirited. The expression was similar to the one she had had on her face when she had left him standing there the last time. He didn’t have a chance to get a proper look back then but now he did.

She looked lonely. Absolutely and miserably lonely. Orestes had already taken a few instinctive steps towards her before realizing what he was about to do and stopping on his tracks. He guessed that she probably came here exactly so that no one saw her like this.

_Well what if she didn’t? She has her office to hide away. Am I doing the right or the wrong thing if I leave her alone now?_

Then the moment was over. Eudoxia had pressed her head against the pole and her mouth was moving. Orestes couldn't hear what she might have been saying but her expression was changing to irritated and then angry, with a bitter twist of a mouth. She struck the pole once, leaving a deep mark on the wood and then quickly moved to pick up the fallen target, throwing it on top of the rest with some unnecessary force, and left.

Orestes’ mind was trying to piece together the meaning of what he had just seen. The captain had always kept her distance from all of them. Not even Toma or Wyn had really gotten to know her outside of work and Orestes had assumed it was how she preferred it. But it didn’t look like it now and it was making him wonder if he should have gone to her after all. His intuition was rarely wrong about these matters and he had felt strongly like that was what he should have done.

 _And why should I? What does it matter to me if she’s lonely?_ He questioned himself.

_Because I care about her._

It had been only one night. Just one. He might have found out some unexpected things about her but that didn’t mean he really knew her, just that she was something else than she appeared to be. There was no reason, no sense in having these feelings about her. Yet seeing her like that just now had caused him distress even if he couldn’t understand the reason for it.

Orestes waited for some time before emerging from behind the armoury and making his way to his own rooms. Once safely inside he removed his armour and freshened up a bit, changing into some more comfortable, loose fitting clothes. Then he took the book Eudoxia had lent him and sat down on the pillows that had formed both the sitting and sleeping area of his apartment ever since he had stopped using the smaller room behind the curtain as his bedroom. He occasionally missed having a proper bed or nest, but the memories the room held were enough to prevent him from getting any sleep in there.

Shaking his head he focused his attention on the book, opening it from a random page and bringing it near his face. He had read it twice already and should have returned it. The scent of her that lingered on its pages was almost intolerable to him. Yet somehow he couldn’t bring himself to let go, not while he didn’t yet know what he wanted to do.

The scent his nose could detect from the pages wasn’t the strange scent that attracted him so. That one he only ever smelled directly around her. This one was her own basic scent. Yet he couldn’t really help but be attracted to it too. Usually he just sniffed at it a bit, not able to resist the temptation, but immediately putting the book away, trying to busy himself with something else so his mind wouldn’t wander too far.

Today was different. For the first time Orestes allowed himself to just go with it, shifting his form to meihin, as he had discovered a long time ago how much easier it was for self-satisfying. He lied down, feeling the growing hardness trapped between his pants and his stomach, and stroking it through the light fabric until he was panting. He then loosened the ties around his waist and slid his hand inside, touching himself with her scent still in his nose.

But it wasn’t just her scent that he thought about. It was other things too, like that strong, sensuous body and the fascinatingly scaly skin. The way her scales had reflected the light of the fireplace resembled the pure beauty of the different types of crystals he had acquired during the years, to distract himself from his own unsightly looks. But unlike the crystals her skin was warm and alive and so much more attractive. He also remembered the way she had reacted to his touch, how those scales changed colours in the dim light as her body writhed and shook under his hands, and he had to bite his teeth together hard in order to not call out her name.

Orestes felt pressure to reach a climax as fast as possible as his arousal grew to nearly unbearable levels, but he denied himself, taking it almost torturously slow instead, just like she had, tracing around his own cock with his finger. It was actually about the only part of himself that he had learned to like. It had been long and smooth before. Now it was, just like everything else in him, shorter and thicker. But the shape was much more interesting. He counted the layers of ridges from bottom to top, four altogether, then went around the upward curving tip. Just under the tip was the best spot and his finger teased at it for a while, remembering her tongue rubbing on it, before continuing down the center. Little past the halfway point started a strip of fur that had baffled him at first. Then another Tundra had taught him the bliss that was lightly running fingers over the hairs there and Orestes had decided not to question nature about them anymore.

And then there was her voice. Her had heard it barking orders for years, yet never would have thought it could sound like it had that night, so deep and sensual, enough to arouse him on its own. He remembered each noise of pleasure that had escaped her mouth, even the tiniest ones. She had tried so hard to stay quiet, spurring Orestes in turn to try even harder to give her all the reasons to make more. He wondered how she would sound like if she lost her composure completely and the thought made him shiver and moan out loud.

Then there was that narrow face and those intense green eyes, with all the hints of the passionate person they hid behind them. He was even aroused by remembering what she looked like when she smiled, or when she was sad. And the way she had reacted to him and touched him, with no hesitation, like he was— _normal_.

He had never before let his hand wander around his own body when he jerked off because he didn’t want the awareness of all that hair. But today was different. He was reliving his night with her and had to re-enact it, fully. He sat up briefly to remove his tunic before lying down again and continuing to pleasure himself. He fondled the tip of his erection while his other hand was tracing curves around his chest, sides, and stomach, trying to remember how it felt to be touched in such a way.

He had to admit it wasn’t just the strange scent that was doing all of these things to him. He was attracted to her in so many ways and getting rid of the scent would do absolutely nothing to cure him of these feelings. He really had fallen for his captain and he wanted her, all of her.

The urge to grind himself against his hand was starting to be too much and he finally closed his fingers around his cock. His own hand felt very different from hers, rough and leathery, while hers were so soft around him. A thought occurred to him, that they wouldn't be soft for long if she picked up the staff but what did it matter? It wasn't like he would get to feel those lovely hands on him ever again. The thought of it made him let out a whimpering sob.

It had been awhile since he last had a release so he was a bit rough and impatient with his strokes by the end but it felt good. Feeling the peak nearing he reached to grab a pillow to bite into and finally came accompanied with a deep growl.

Exhaustion from working the night started to set in while his pulse was coming down from the heights. Feeling wobbly on his feet and airy inside his head, ears ringing, he got up to clean himself a bit before collapsing back to the pillows, immediately falling asleep.

When he woke up, he wasn’t feeling exactly fresh nor rested but at least his mind was clearer than it had been in quite some time. He thought he finally understood now why she had approached him. She was obviously lonely and wanted some companionship. Enough to accept it from anyone. It wasn’t about him at all, he had just managed to be at the right place at the right time, when she had had a moment of vulnerability that had allowed him in.

_Of course it isn’t about me. I’m a monster and there is absolutely no reason for her to want anything to do with someone like me unless she has no choice. It would be useless to get my hopes up. But—_

It meant he had an opportunity to be closer to her. And in the end, she was a feral too so maybe— For just a second Orestes allowed himself to imagine. But the reality was merciless. She was beautiful even in her feral meihin form while he was hideous and he doubted even another one of his kind could ever want him. But what was the alternative, leaving and living in misery? Then there was also an image of her lonely face that he just couldn’t get out of his mind. He wanted to do something about it. Maybe accepting her request to teach her would alleviate that loneliness. He could do that much for her at least.

It had been two weeks already so he wasn’t exactly sure how he should bring the topic up so late. She had said to just come and get her so maybe it really would be that simple. Today just happened to be a good day for practicing too, though it would be at least a few more hours before it would be safe to do so. Or maybe he should come up with some explanation after all, in case she demanded one. But what should he say?

_Oh by the Arcanist, don’t think on it too much dumbass!_

The exasperated part of his mind was right. He hadn’t thought too long about going to see her before either. Diving in head-first without thinking and improvising as the situation evolved seemed to be the thing he did best so he decided to just go, right now. He grabbed the book from where he had left it and stuffed it in a bag along with the two scrolls she had also lent him. He would start by returning those and seeing where it went from there. Except that now there was one tiny thing he needed to take care or first—

“I give up. I really am an irredeemable beast,” he sighed as the scent had gotten him aroused again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, this one's a bit shorter. And you may have noticed that the final chapter count now says '?' instead of the number it previously had. I'm letting this thing bloat just a bit, allowing in some of these shorter chapters, just to explain things a bit better. One thing I was really struggling with while trying to stick to the original chapter count was just how many things I would have needed to either awkwardly stuff in the already long chapters, or to leave out completely. And the most obvious solution seemed to be to increase the chapter count, allow them both a bit more time to talk about what is going on inside their heads, but especially Ori, as the original plan had no POV for him after the first 2 chapters. Now here he is, struggling with strange new feelings, but also explaining a bit more to you about what he thinks of himself and maybe making it more understandable how difficult, or near impossible it would be to him to just go to her and confess having both heart and pants feelings.


	5. We could be friends?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally another chapter! I've been more than a bit uncertain about my writing for a long time now, but at some point you need to admit to yourself that it's impossible to write something long without repeating things, and that following writing advice about actively avoiding using certain, common words can make your story feel like a clown car. This is, at its core, a smut fic so let's keep the ejaculating to where it belongs.

Eudoxia was working on her desk when the knock on her door finally came. She had already resigned herself to the fact that she might have ruined everything by storming away that day two weeks ago, and that he wasn’t going to show up, leaving her feeling miserable and defeated. But now he was here. It was still early evening and it could have been someone else. It could have been Wynnir, coming to talk about some Guard matter before heading home. The Matriarch came by at any hour during the day if she had business with her. It could have been anyone, except the knock came from the common room side door and she _knew_.

She allowed herself one deep, shuddering breath of relief before she carefully set her face to neutral and went to open. Orestes was in the middle of pulling a large book from a bag he was carrying, turning his head up when he heard the door.

“I thought I should return these,” he said, holding the book awkwardly since it was a bit too big for a dragon his size. He had turned his eyes away after the initial glance and the expression on his face was uncharacteristically stiff. Eudoxia noticed his tenseness with a start and wondered what she should do now. She had decided to pursue some kind of friendly relationship on her own, but now she wasn’t sure if he was actually going to be open to anything like that.

 _Is he upset with me?_ She wondered. _Should I not— Should I wait? Or maybe— could he be having just as much trouble understanding me as I have understanding him?_

Some decision needed to be made about how to continue and quick, as she couldn’t keep him standing at the doorway without saying anything.

“Will you come in?” she ended up asking, choosing to act and reaching a hand to take the cumbersome item from him. Orestes handed her the book and it fit neatly on her palm. It was the problem with books, they were often the wrong size for most readers. Orestes had trouble carrying this one while she needed a magnifying glass to read it. The same transforming magic that was used for clothing could be used for books, but those were also just as expensive as any single piece of her armour, and not very common. Not in a Guard captain’s personal library at least.

She wasn’t quite sure why seeing him made her want to smile but she worked hard to keep that impulse in check while he made his way inside and she closed the door behind him.

“So, what did you think of the books?” She asked, not knowing if he had even read them but thinking it to be the safest start. “Were they of any interest to you?”

“Very much.” He sat down and thumbed at the leather on the strap of his bag, wings twitching in a manner that suggested some nervousness. He still averted his eyes. It felt odd to see that the always smiling and confident Tundra could be affected to such a degree. “I’m not familiar with crafter magic but Garou found me some volumes about that so now I at least don’t feel completely ignorant.”

”That is nice to hear.” Eudoxia found herself happy to discover that not only had he read the books, but he had gone to the library to find out more. “Did he give you the book of Grechina the Builder? That one was really useful for when I tried to understand the magical concepts that were talked about in the scrolls.”

“Yeah, and also a diary from the master carpenter from that same village, Arumarvia, was it?” He asked, pointing at the book that he had just given back to her, finally turning those clear eyes up at her. “Well, I still don’t really understand it that well to be honest, but it was interesting. Very different from breed magic and shapeshifting. Those come from inside you, but it seems that crafting requires you to— well, _see_ the strands of magic around you and work with them. It just made me wonder about all the things that we can’t see.” His whole being was becoming more animated as he talked and Eudoxia was glad to see that inviting him in seemed to have been the right thing to do.

“Indeed. I must confess my own ignorance when it comes to matters of magic but the books gave me at least some basic understanding. It was of course not necessary for me to learn any of that, but—” She stopped, not exactly sure how to explain her fascination with the matter to him. But it turned out she didn’t have to.

“But it’s what you like, learning and finding out about everything new?” He finished her sentence in a manner that made her feel like she was in a like-minded company. And he finally smiled, but it was a more subtle expression than his usual one, more honest and even a bit shy.

“Exactly.” Eudoxia allowed herself to return the smile. It wasn’t easy. The trepidation she felt at the idea of revealing any part of herself to him, to anyone, was almost too much. But her choice had been made already. This wouldn’t work if she tried to keep the relationship flowing in one direction only. She decided to continue by doing something even more difficult.

“You are welcome to use my library any time you want,” she blurted out without elegance, hastily adding, “If you wish?” She could feel the heat creeping up on her face and was glad he couldn’t see it from under her scales.

“Well, if it’s not too much trouble?” He replied with a carefully cautious tone.

“Not at all. It is sometimes difficult to make enough time to read and too many of these books are just gathering dust so you would be doing me a service in a way.”

“Then I would love to!” Orestes grinned and seemed to visibly relax at this point which made Eudoxia realize just how tense she had been herself. Her tail had been curved up in stark attention the whole time so now she tried to lower it as inconspicuously as she could, helped by the fact that his attention seemed to veer somewhere else.

“Oh, I almost forgot the rest. Here,” he said as he pulled the two scrolls from his bag. Eudoxia thanked him and took them, placing them on her desk along with the book she had been holding. Then she also sat down, lowering her head to a level that was more comfortable to her smaller visitor.

“But I actually did have something else,” he continued, looking a bit uneasy again. “I know it’s been a while already but I was wondering if you were still interested in that thing— uh, you know, me teaching you the staff? I was going to head to the training field later today and—” He left the sentence hanging in the air, one claw nervously scratching at a seam on the floor tile.

“Yes! Absolutely.” Eudoxia tried not to sound too eager but the mere thought made her excited. It was what she had been hoping he came in for after all. And it wasn’t completely just about getting to see him. She truly loved the thrill of fighting and the idea of such a talented teacher and opponent was appealing.

“Good. I have to admit was a bit worried that you might have changed your mind,” he confessed, revealing the reason for his concerned mannerism.

“No. I have not,” Eudoxia replied while wondering what had made him think that. “I hope you do not believe me to be that fickle of a person?”

“Oh no! I didn’t mean to imply—” Orestes said quickly, spreading his wings and showing his empty paws up in a gesture meant to convey that he was hiding nothing. “It’s just still a little hard for me to understand your reasons. I know I asked this before, but why?”

Eudoxia considered how to answer. She couldn’t be completely honest with him but should still try to stick to the truth as much as possible so she decided to use some the reasoning she had come up with after their last encounter.

“Because seeing you practice made me curious. I know the rules but I can also recognize and value skill when I see it. Besides, you had a point before, there needs to be more trust. But I—” She weighed her words carefully before continuing, “Life has made me untrusting. Yet the success of this Guard has come to mean much to me so it is something I feel I must learn.”

“Then why me? Don’t I seem like the least trustworthy member of the Guard you could pick?” He asked.

“Maybe you do,” she smiled faintly before turning serious. “But I have found lately that looks can be deceiving and that I need to look deeper. You also appear to share some similarities with me, more than just your meihin, so I think you will stand to lose as much as I do if that trust was ever to be breached.”

“Well, that does make sense,” he said and then looked to be thinking for a while before continued in cheery tone, “Okay then, I’ll be your practice dummy, both for trust and the staff, if it means I can keep my job.”

“You do not need to go along with this for that reason. I am not going to expel you if you refuse.” Eudoxia felt discomfort at the idea that he might be only going along with her whims because he felt threatened by her. “You should choose otherwise if this is not what you want.”

“No, I choose this. I might have a thing or two I need to learn about trust too,” he replied softly. “Besides, I find you interesting.”

“Me? Interesting?” She scoffed at him.

“Yes, you,” Orestes confirmed, cocking his head. “You’re keeping a whole other personality hidden under there and I’m curious to know why. Maybe one day you will trust me enough to tell me about it.”

“Maybe,” she replied slowly. The idea was uncomfortable but— _It would be nice to be able to do that, would it not?_ She thought, then added, “And maybe one day I will get to hear about everything that you are hiding.”

“You make me sound mysterious,” he laughed, shaking his head. “There’s not much more to know than you already do.”

“Liar!” Eudoxia’s growled reproach of him was fast and harsh, making the Tundra flinch and then stare at her with bewildered look on his face. He had every right to keep his secrets but she wouldn’t accept him being deceitful about it, not if this thing they were trying to start was to have any chances at working.

“Trust. Right,” he finally muttered barely audibly. Then he lifted a corner of his mouth to a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Maybe one day?”

“Yes,” she softened her tone. “One day.” There was no hurry. She was still getting used to the whole idea herself, despite having had two weeks to mull over it already.

“Once I’m sure your intentions towards me are honourable,” Orestes joked, seeming to have regained some of his composure. Eudoxia laughed more at how unintentionally close to the truth he had gotten rather than any humour on the joke itself.

“This is a start then,” she said, extending her hand to the Tundra.

“Start for what?” He asked, looking confused.

“For _not butting heads_. Those were your exact words if I recall it correctly?” Eudoxia raised her brows, hand still hanging in wait.

Grin appearing on his face, Orestes raised his own paw to briefly touch hers in agreement. It was considerably smaller than hers but the spot still felt tingly after the touch even as she settled the limb back to the ground. “Going back to your words—,” he continued,”—does this mean you really don’t dislike me?”

“I am here, making an effort, am I not?” Eudoxia was happy to find out that he seemed to remember their conversation that night just as well as she did.

“Yes. Here you are, and so am I. As unexpected as that is. There’s probably a plot twist like that in some of these books,” he chuckled, motioning at the bookshelves surrounding them.

“There very well might be. I should at least have the stories of Kester and Treiall somewhere in here.” Eudoxia was referring to an old and popular fable about commanders of two enemy armies, who later on became bickering but loyal friends and went on to have multiple comedic adventures together.

“You’re definitely Treiall,” Orestes reacted with a snort, giving her the role of the straight laced and honest half of the duo.

“I hope you are not going to get me in constant trouble like Kester then,” she replied, raising a brow.

“Define trouble?” He had a look of deceivingly wide-eyed innocence on his face, making Eudoxia sigh deeply at what she had potentially gotten herself into. But then he turned more serious. “Don’t worry, I don’t actually feel that much kinship with Kester.”

“Nor I with Treiall. To be honest I always felt most sympathy for the narrator and the clear annoyance they seemed to feel towards both.”

“Me too,” Orestes agreed with an uncharacteristically solemn nod, though Eudoxia wondered if she actually had any idea what would have been characteristic or not for him. “I think we’re better off forging our own friendship instead of following some book.”

He looked up at her with an expression of uncertainty at the word friendship, which Eudoxia could understand. It hadn’t yet been specifically said that it would be what they wanted their relationship to be and she had seeked for an opportunity to confirm it herself.

“Agreed,” she replied, letting her thankfulness for him for bringing the matter up first show with a soft smile.

“It’s still a bit early so maybe you could show me around your library, if you have time?” Orestes fluently changed topics.

“I do. I am already finished with today’s paperwork and have nothing else planned for the rest of the day.” Eudoxia was surprised at how easily the tiny lie had escaped her mouth. She still had things to do but she was definitely not going to make him leave now that he was finally here. She would just have do a late night today.

“Oh, paperwork.” The Tundra seemed to visibly shudder at the word. “Is that what you’re doing in here all day?”

“Usually. We might be a small Guard but there are still so many things to do, writing correspondences, keeping up with inventories, creating our calendars and schedules, keeping daily logs— It’s endless,” Eudoxia sighed.

“Sounds tedious,” Orestes' tone sounded genuinely sympathetic.

“It is. But I was the one who hired a blind scribe,” she huffed. “Wynnir does an excellent job and I would not change him to anyone, but that decision left a lot of paperwork for me.

“Couldn’t you hire someone to do that for you?”

“I could but a considerable amount of it is just translating Wynnir’s carvings and putting them on a paper. I have not had any luck so far trying to find someone else willing to learn to read that.”

“You know how to read Wyn’s writing?” Orestes asked, sounding surprised.

“In a way. He used to dictate everything at first but it was impractical as it used up both of our time instead of just mine, so I asked him to teach me.”

“What does ‘in a way’ mean?” He asked, curiosity clear on his face.

“Well the writing is something that he has apparently been developing since he was a hatchling so it is not entirely systematic. And it is not based on writing out sounds like we are used to, but concepts. I am getting better at it but there are still things I need him to read to me, like notes of conversations or contracts. Those are too complex and only he can really understand them.” Eudoxia paused for a while to ponder a bit further. “I think some of it might actually function just as a memory trigger, that the markings themselves only remind him of the event and he can recall the rest. He does have an impressive memory.”

“That’s true. I think he could still quote most of the advice I gave him with the sword almost to a word. And sometimes I have hard time remembering what I had for dinner yesterday,” he laughed.

“Oh yes, you taught him how to fight,” Eudoxia remembered. “I was actually surprised by that since even Toma refused him. I did not expect you to accept.”

“Well to be completely honest I thought he would give up pretty quickly. But he didn’t so I just kept at it. Didn’t really have any reason not to, since he's so willing to learn,” Orestes shrugged.

“I do think that was very kind of you. And it certainly kept me from considering you a completely rotten character.”

“Just half-rotten then. Sounds about right,” he snorted.

“No. I would say— two thirds rotten?” Eudoxia tilted her head and gave the Tundra an evaluating look.

“Hey! No more than three fifths!” He protested, flexing his neck and shoulders in a way that made his mane stand up ruffled, making him look comically upset.

“Very well, I will give you your three fifths.” Eudoxia let out a short amused laughter. She hadn’t exchanged banter like this with anyone in years and had quite forgotten how entertaining it could be. And so far it seemed like they might also share a similar sense of humour which made her feel oddly pleased.

“Thank you!” He replied, smoothing the purple hairs with a whole body shake and few swift paw movements, which fascinated but also bothered her, making her shift uncomfortably as his anatomy definitely wasn’t something she wanted to be thinking right now. Orestes himself saved her from those thoughts by returning to their original topic, the paperwork problem. “But yeah, that does sound like it would be lot to ask from any potential new assistant.”

“It would be, yes. They can find easier jobs inside the Keep.” She frowned as she felt the usual annoyance at how difficult it was to find anyone with interest, or just plain curiosity to at least give it a try. “But he did bring up the idea that he could modify his writing in some way, or maybe even come up with a new system, something that would be based on sounds too. I tried to describe our writing to him the best I could but sadly we have not had any time to look more into it. But it would make things so much easier,” she sighed.

“I always assumed that having Kie and Sari join made things easier for all of us but I suppose they’re not of much help with paperwork.” His voice was fainter and sounded genuinely empathetic towards her plight, causing unexpected warmth to arise inside her.

“Not indeed. More dragons means more paperwork. But at least having two more is making scheduling easier. And having my guards not be perpetually exhausted is a good thing. I can handle some extra paperwork for that,” Eudoxia smiled briefly.

“You really do care about this Guard a lot, don’t you?” He asked, furrowing his brows slightly, as if that possibility had just now occurred to him for the first time.

“I do. You have— grown on me, I suppose,” she admitted. “But it was not always so. I actually considered quitting when the clan moved.”

“Then what made you stay? If you don’t mind me asking. You’ve just always seemed so—,” he looked at her apologetically before finishing, “—distant.”

“Nothing too noble. My library mostly. I had managed to collect quite a few volumes already at that point and, well, I suppose I had already gotten attached.” She raised her head and looked around at her office and all the shelves she had managed to fill already, feeling certain amount of pride for having achieved it all in just under six years.

“It doesn’t sound like attachment was something you planned?”

“I— It is complicated,” she sighed, wings twitching in want to wrap themselves around her to form a protective cocoon. Self preservation had become an instinct.

“Yeah, things often are.” He grimaced and looked away, mind suddenly clearly somewhere else. Then he blinked a few times, as if remembering where he was and changed topics with cheery tone. “Oh well, finding something good to read should at least be simple enough!”

Having said that Orestes moved to walk alongside her bookshelves, peering at the titles that were visible at the backs of the books and stopping to pull out some that weren’t. After a while he turned to her with questioning look on his face. “Are these arranged in some way or—?”

“Well, uh— not really.” Eudoxia felt slightly embarrassed admitting it. “I have been meaning to organize them but I always end up finding something interesting and—,” her voice trailed off. She expected him to laugh and he did, but not in a way that felt like he wanted to mock her. And his voice was actually really pleasant, now that she noticed it. It matched his face when it came to age, sounding younger than he actually was, but there was calmness to it that young dragons didn’t have. The clarity was broken by a peculiar kind of crack, leaving her thinking he might had received some kind of injury on his throat at some point. Whatever it was it made his voice sound very distinctive and she wondered why she hadn’t paid any attention to it before. This was a person she had known for over five years, yet it felt like she had just met someone new.

“Ah, finally, the truth revealed about our disciplined captain. I’m shocked!” Orestes recovered from his fit of amusement, shaking Eudoxia away from her thoughts, and continued, “But you know what? I just might be able to help you with that.”

“You can? How?” She furrowed her brows, confused.

“By organizing them. How else?”

“Certainly, if you want to,” Eudoxia blinked in surprise at the offer.

“You’re letting me use your library so I want to return the favour somehow. And it sounds like fun.”

“That would be fun for you?”

“It is, it is,” he assured with a smile. “I actually really enjoy organizing things.”

“Maybe I should draft you for the seasonal inventories then,” Eudoxia warned him, raising a brow.

“Go ahead. We can discuss the pay raise that goes with that later on,” Orestes responded with a look of calculating deviousness on his face.

“Greedy little thing,” Eudoxia huffed loudly, making her spines to stand up in a manner similar to what he had done with his mane a bit earlier.

“A dragon has to eat,” he shrugged, but broke the act as soon as he had, unable to hold a straight face. “No but seriously, I don’t know about organizing books. I might just run into the same problem as you do and get distracted.”

“Then I suggest you keep an eye on me and I keep an eye on you. That way we can catch each other slacking off.”

“That’s a good idea,” he agreed. “Well, since we have time and we’re here now, want to get started straight away?”

“Why not? I have been sitting down enough for one day.”

———

They had managed to make a good start on the project by the time it was finally safe to head to the training field. Orestes left for a while to put on his armour, taking some books that he had been interested in. They were magnificently illustrated books of fables for young dragons and even though she had no idea what kind of books he liked the choice still intrigued her. She wasn’t sure if he picked them out of his own interest or to give some purposeful impression but finding that out would have required for her to know what he thought about her, a matter that was a complete mystery at the moment, but one that she vowed to puzzle out.

After he was out the door Eudoxia switched to meihin form and changed her heavy armour to the one he had given her. She had managed to find a simple, bright red tunic from the marketplace to wear under the set, made out of thick and durable material. Everything in that particular shop had been overpriced but she hadn’t hesitated even for a second before buying it as the tunic was imbued with transforming magic and would change shape and size along with her.

She checked the results from the mirror and the new tunic was perfect. The uniform black of the leather brought all the different shades of red on the cloth and her skin together nicely. She was so used to only wearing her family colours, red and gold, that changing the other one to black felt like some kind of a new start, a daring attempt to let go of the past and finally move on. Her armour of gold reminded her of both happy times and bitter times. It reminded her of her family, and the wide-eyed innocence and hope she had felt as she escaped, but also the desperation upon realizing that she might have just exchanged one dreadful fate to another, maybe even worse one. She remembered all the countless nights spent crying, missing her home and family, until she had finally managed to forge her heart into solid iron.

That iron-hearted dragon had been called Hetaireia, and Eudoxia had shed that skin from around her upon accepting this job as a guard captain and taking her own name back. But maybe some part of that other one had never truly left? She looked at her old plate armour, arranged on the floor after her switch to the new one. It had been carefully restored to its former glory after some rough years but she wondered if the essence of Hetaireia lived inside that thing now. And maybe by wearing something else she could finally let go of that part of her life. But did she want to? And was it safe to do so?

After changing she headed for the training field and found Orestes, also in his meihin form, already waiting. He was holding two staves, his own and the longer one that she had picked for herself. He watched her approach with a slight smile on his face, clearly more relaxed than he had been the last time they were in this same situation.

“You’ve already made a useful addition I see,” he commented as she got close enough for him to be heard.

“Um, yes. I did not wish to assume you would agree to continue but I— I must admit I did hope for it, so—” She left the sentence hanging, intent on not explaining any more about it. She was already feeling self conscious enough. “Anyway! The thing was terribly overpriced but I thought it better to have something properly suited to be worn under the armour.”

“Might have been cheaper without the red dye?” Orestes suggested, eyeing the bright colour of the cloth.

“I know. It just— I suppose I have my vanity,” she settled on a vague explanation.

“Well, for what it's worth I still think the armour suits you really well.”

“Are you sure you want to let me keep it?”

“Yeah, definitely,” Orestes assured her. “Besides, seeing it on you now, doesn’t it almost feel like it was made for you, so maybe you were meant to have it? It certainly fits you better than it ever did me so it’s yours now, if you want it.”

“Thank you,” Eudoxia replied softly. “I will take good care of it.”

“I’m sure you will,” he said with an odd look. Then, without giving her time to ask about it he threw her staff in the air towards her, making her scramble in order to catch it. “Time to practice! Let’s see if you’ve at least learned to hold your grip.”

Without waiting he swung his staff on a wide, easily predictable arch and Eudoxia quickly raised hers to block. But her body reacted in a much more instinctive way as her tail moved to lash towards the attack.

“Sorry!” Eudoxia exclaimed and dropped her staff in her hurry to make sure Orestes hadn’t been harmed. “I really did not mean to do that.”

“Shit, that hurt,” he hissed between his teeth, nursing the wrist that her tail had struck.

“I am so sorry,” she repeated the apology, disappointed with herself for the mistake.

“Don’t be, I was careless. Should have seen that strike coming from days away. And the bracer took the brunt of it so it’s fine,” he assured her, rolling and twisting his wrist in all directions to prove his claim. “But you should probably leave your tail out of this for now, since you’re still only learning basics, okay? It’ll be an interesting element to add to your own style later, once you develop one, but it’s only going to be a distraction at this point.

“Yes, that would be for the best. I will try,” she promised, bending down to pick her staff from where she had dropped it.

“You’re probably gonna have to learn that stuff on your own though. Mine’s not that useful so I can’t teach you,” he said, grinning and swishing his considerably shorter and stiffer tail from side to side.

“Do not worry, I have had plenty of practice for using it already,” she smiled faintly in response, still bummed but mood improving from seeing that she hadn’t managed to injure him. “Learning not to is going to be more difficult I would say.”

And that turned out to be exactly the case. Her regular fighting style in her dragon form relied so heavily on using her whole body, tail included, that trying not to use it proved to be a difficult task. Her size and dimensions might have been completely different in her meihin form but some things still functioned too instinctively.

And that was not the only issue. She hadn’t managed to hit Orestes with her tail after the first incident but she got the feeling that he was still holding back, going soft on her. He blocked the tail strikes but didn’t do much else, except try to verbally encourage her to not use the limb. The matter started to bother her more and more as the practice session went on because she couldn’t understand the reason behind it. The Tundra had taught the sword to Wynnir successfully so there shouldn’t have been any issue. It took a while before she realized that there actually was and that issue was herself, or more accurately her position.

“You are too timid Orestes,” she finally sighed. “You need to be more strict with me, forget that I am the captain. You are the teacher here so act more like it!”

He seemed to be taken aback by her reprimand but didn’t deny it, instead asking, “So act like a— captain?”

“Yes! If that is what it takes. Act like me if that is what you need.”

“You’re very demanding though, so maybe—,” he started hesitantly.

“Then demand!” Eudoxia interrupted. “If I cannot get my tail to behave then you are going to need to make me. Think of it as your captain’s command before I settle back in to my role of a student. Demand. Be more strict. Make my mistakes have consequences!” The she softened her tone. “You have my full permission so do not worry.”

“You’re not gonna get upset even if I hurt you?”

“You are teaching me to fight, not to knit. Hurt happens.”

“You make a compelling case there,” Orestes admitted with a poorly hidden grimace on his face. He thought about it for a while before speaking again, “Okay then, let’s get that tail of yours to stay away!”

“That is the spirit,” Eudoxia grinned, satisfied with the change she could immediately see in him, his stance more confident and the grip on his weapon more solid.

It ended up taking a few painful hits and Orestes somehow managing to wrap her tail around his staff in few dizzyingly fast moves, and completely trapping it, before her reflexes started to adjust to the new situation. But once she could properly focus on just learning, the practice became really enjoyable and the time flew by way too fast. She felt like she could have kept on going for far longer when Orestes called the ending for their session, but it really was getting too late.

“Did you manage to get something for your hands already?” He asked as they walked to the armoury to return their staves to where they belonged

“No. I could not find anything suitable from the main street vendors. Plenty of creams for smooth and fragrant skin but nothing for blisters and calluses,” she sighed, feeling slightly frustrated. The prime spots around the three main pathways at the marketplace were taken by more expensive shops, and those weren’t places frequented by fighters or other manual labourers.

“Yeah, you need to go to the smaller shops. There’s some in the Fae’s Fortune, you know the one near the—” Suddenly he stopped, realizing why she hadn’t gone there. The narrow passageways weren’t a place for a Ridgeback in her dragon form so of course she didn’t know. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”

“No need to apologize,” she said just as they stepped inside the armoury. “Besides you cannot go out there in your meihin either. You are quite fortunate that at least your dragon form is so small.”

“Sure doesn’t feel that way most of the time,” he scoffed and set his staff on the rack. Eudoxia followed suit and placed hers right next to it. “But I see your point. I’ll get you some the next time I go there. You can use mine until then,” he said, digging out a small jar from a pouch tied to his belt. Eudoxia held out her hand to take it from him but to her surprise he just took some of the cream on his fingers and grabbed her hand while placing the jar on the weapon rack next to them, and started to apply the ointment to her palm.

“What are you doing?” She asked, eyes widening from surprise.

“I’m showing you how to apply this. You don’t need a lot but you do need to rub it in really well or it will leave your hands sticky.”

“Oh. Very well then,” she said, deciding to allow him to do as he wanted. “Thank you,” she added quietly as an afterthought, feeling slightly embarrassed about how much she was enjoying the feeling of his hands working on hers.

“Mm-hmm,” Orestes merely hummed in reply, continuing to massage the ointment to her palm. Eudoxia couldn’t see his face as he was looking down to her hand, completely focused on the task.

The Tundra seemed to have a surprisingly considerate personality, which baffled her. Perhaps it was even a bit excessively considerate. _I wonder what he is thinking? Why is he doing this? Or any of the things he has done? Is he really like this or does he want something from me?_

Frustratingly she just had even more questions than before, with absolutely no answers. And it all seemed to come so naturally out of him. Surely it couldn’t all be pretense.

 _Which Orestes is the real Orestes_ , she wondered.

But whatever the answer to that was, she had to appreciate how good he seemed to be with what he was doing. His own hands must have been coarse and calloused from years of wielding weapons but his touch was soft and gentle, applying just enough pressure to work the greasy substance into her skin.

“This actually feels quite relaxing,” she commented without thinking.

“Thanks. I _am_ in the profession of service.” He didn’t raise his head but she could hear the smile on his voice.

“Well you must be very good at it I think.”

“Indeed I am. There, all done,” he said, lifting his head and letting go of her hand. “I’ll let you do the other one yourself.”

“Hmm, no.” Eudoxia decided, giving him her other hand, palm up. “You finish what you started.”

“ _Anything_ the captain wants,” he replied, mouth curving to a slanted grin as he took the hand she offered, and Eudoxia couldn’t help but notice the emphasis on the first word.

“Since when were you this nice?” She asked him, raising a brow questioningly.

“Oh? You think I’m nice?” His eyes were as wide as his grin and Eudoxia couldn’t decide whether it was a happy face, or the face of someone whom she had just given ammunition.

“I take that back. Forget I said anything.”

“No, no! I’m definitely going to remember this one,” he laughed, his face softening to a smile. “It’s not common at all that I get complimented by you. It feels kinda good. Even if it’s just for knowing something about taking care of hands.”

“I thought you would not care about such things,” Eudoxia said. Someone who didn’t attend practice felt like the last person to care about her commendations.

“Well I thought so too. But it’s surprisingly nice,” he replied with happy voice.

“I might get to compliment you sometime if you attended practice more often.” Her tone was dry but changed to softer one as she continued, “I know I said I would not bring it up again, but—”

Eudoxia hesitated a bit. They were doing fine at the moment and she didn’t want to cause upset, but she felt like she needed to tell him.

“I think you are good. And very impressive for a Tundra. But what was always astonishing to me was that there seemed to be potential in you for even more. It was probably what disappointed me the most with you, that you seemed to have no motivation to—” Her voice drifted away to silence. They had been through this part already, no need to repeat it. “Well, now that I know that you were not always one, I can understand where that potential came from and that you may not be able to fulfill it. I have no frame of reference when it comes to the skill level you expect from yourself but I do think you are good at your job. I would have kicked you out years ago for your behaviour if you were not, no matter how understaffed we have been.”

“Well, that was blunt,” he winced. “But I suppose I appreciate the honesty.”

He again focused his eyes down, on her hand. She got the feeling that he still had something to say so she waited. Finally he let out a frustrated sigh and looked back up, but not straight at her. “It’s just that I’ve been a Tundra for long enough that I know the exact limitations I have. It really never will be that much better than what it is now, no matter how much effort I put into it. It’s useless.”

“Then I will not ask for that kind of effort. But at least attend a bit more often. This Guard needs more unity. Even if most of the shifts are walked alone we still need to be a team and we have to be able to work as such. But what you are doing is only sowing seeds of resentment.”

“You really think my presence matters so much?” His hands stopped working on her palm as he gave her a baffled look.

“Yes, I do. So please,” she implored. Ignoring her normal caution, she took his hands between her own, keeping a steady eye contact. This was an important opportunity to do something to heal the ailing spirit of the Guard. Eudoxia had no idea why Orestes behaved the way he did, how the seemingly compassionate person she was now getting to know could also act in such incredibly selfish ways. But she really needed to get through to him and to convince him that she was being honest with what she said, that it did matter.

“Fine,” he eventually sighed his consent. “But I won’t promise to try any harder or to be there every time. And I don’t—” His words along with his whole being showed dejection as he continued, “I really don’t think it will make any difference.”

“But I know it will, just wait and see.” Eudoxia couldn’t help but smile brightly. “Thank you!” She added, squeezing his hands, feeling both relieved and happy for his agreement.

“It might be worth it after all, just for seeing that kind of a smile,” he said weakly, looking up at her.

Eudoxia found herself trapped by those eyes that seemed to have shifted from icy pale blue to something slightly more grey and warm. She licked her lips nervously and immediately regretted it as she now couldn’t help but think about his. She had never kissed anyone. It was the last point of pride for her to hold on to, even when her world had fallen from under her, that she would not allow anyone to get that close to her. And in her dragon form she had rejected revealing any form of vulnerability and refused to bare her neck for intimate nuzzling.

Yet here she was, thinking about just that and wondering what it would feel like. Would his lips be rough? Or soft? How would he taste like? And would his pulse betray a heart that was racing just as fast as her own?

So mesmerized was she by the situation that she might have just moved to find out if he hadn’t removed one of his hands out from hers just then. The hand was rising up, for what Eudoxia didn’t have a chance to find out, as he seemed to realize what he was doing and yanked both his arms away, crossing them over his chest, grunting, “Just saying it’s so damn rare that it must be worth a lot!”

Eudoxia wasn’t quite sure what had just happened but it looked like she had upset him somehow and the atmosphere was suddenly tense. It seemed to have something to do with her smile so she tried to defuse the situation by making light of it. “Well maybe I should make it a bit less rare then, in order not to confuse you so?”

“Yeah, that would be great,” he replied without missing a beat, obviously catching on to her attempt as the corners of his mouth started to rise a little.

“Although my face hurts already just from today,” Eudoxia continued with a slightly whiny tone of voice, making Orestes laugh, and the situation return closer to normal. Or as normal as this all was.

“Have you ever even used yours before this?” He asked teasingly.

“Not much, I have to admit,” she shrugged and grinned.

“Ha, thought so.” He grabbed the jar he had placed aside earlier and closed it, putting it back to the pouch where he had originally produced it from. “Anyway, it’s getting late so we should head back. I usually like to take a short nap before work.”

Leaving the armoury they started to walk from the training field towards the barracks and continued talking.

“I don’t think we’ll have a chance for another practice session for a while but we could continue with the books tomorrow, if it’s okay?” Orestes asked.

“That would be wonderful,” Eudoxia happily agreed.

“Good. We can work late since it’s my night off. Unless you’re early sleeper?”

“No, I sleep when I need to. I have walked your shift too, plenty of times, in case you have already forgotten,” she reminded him.

“Late night it is then,” he chuckled. “We’re going to get that library sorted out in no time, captain, I promise.” The amicable look on his face felt real and honest, making Eudoxia decide that his help was sincere.

“I did not say this before but thank you,” she said, briefly placing her hand on his shoulder, trying to express her gratitude in a casual manner. “I really appreciate you taking the time help me.”

“Well, it’s what friends do, isn’t it?” He asked, casting a quick sideways glance at her. “Help each other out when they need it?”

 _Depends on the kind of friendship,_ Eudoxia thought but decided on a different answer. “Yes, I suppose so. But still, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

They walked the rest of the way back to the barracks in silence, until they arrived at her office door.

“Well, this is where we part,” Orestes stated the thing that should have been obvious, but somehow felt like it wasn’t. They could have gone through the same door together and— _And what exactly?_ Eudoxia thought and suppressed a frown at herself.

She wasn’t really sure what to say or do, just that she felt like she should say or do something so she ended up just agreeing with “Yes” that felt too terse. Luckily he didn’t seem to have noticed.

“I had fun,” Orestes said, his smile again surprisingly shy, which fascinated her. “It’s nice to have someone to spar against.”

“I enjoyed it too and am really looking forward to the next time.”

“Yeah,” he muttered and then there was silence as neither seemed to know how to properly disengage. Eudoxia herself was the first one to break it.

“This feels really weird to be honest,” she let slip.

“It does! Completely weird,” he replied immediately with an air of understanding. “I mean, we have a routine, don’t we? You tell me off for being late or something and I kinda acknowledge that on some level and then we go our merry ways and I never learn anything. So weird trying to be civil!” Eudoxia was already laughing before he finished and soon he was too and any awkwardness between them disappeared to the thin air.

“We’ll get used to it I hope,” she smiled, opening her office door.

“Yeah, in time I think,” he replied, also smiling, before turning and leaving to his own direction.

 _What was that?_ Eudoxia thought as she stepped through the door. _Stop smiling you idiot! You do not know him. You cannot trust him just because he is nicer than you thought._

With a sigh she walked to the mirror. Talking to herself felt a bit less ridiculous if it was her reflection, and talking to was what she needed.

“Alright, you are incredibly attracted to him, there is no denying that,” she started, staring at her own face with a stern expression, resisting the urge to actually poke the image in the mirror. “It will make you more inclined to think favourably of him. But keep your wits about you! Do not throw caution to the winds just for a smile.”

 _Unexpectedly cute smile_ , she couldn’t help but add in her mind.

“Just be careful,” she whispered to her reflection.

———

Orestes closed the door carefully behind him and then just leaned against its surface for a while, holding his breath, before allowing himself to slump down with a long sigh.

 _Dammit, I almost went and kissed her there_ , he berated himself, banging his head with his fists a few times before burying it to his arms. But the way she had smiled such a radiant and beautiful smile at him, so suddenly, his mind had absolutely failed him for a moment and he had only been able to catch himself in the last minute.

_I wonder if she noticed?_

She had saved the situation with her words though so probably not. And it was better that way. Orestes was sure she wouldn’t have reacted favourably if she had realized the truth of it. It had been just an awkward situation between new friends, weird but nothing to worry about.

“Friends, huh?” He asked out loud.

Whatever it was that he might have expected or even hoped for when he decided to go see her, this hadn’t been it. Not even close. He honestly hadn’t even considered something like what had happened to be possible. How could it have been? Yet here they were. She continued to be full of surprises, completely unpredictable. And the more he discovered the more he liked what he saw. Who knew she could be so adorably awkward? He was pretty sure she might have actually blushed when she offered her library to his use, even if he couldn’t see it.

“I’m in trouble. I’m plunging myself head-first into deep trouble!” Orestes declared loudly, raising his head and slamming his horns against the wood of the door behind him. Then he wondered in quieter tone, “Why am I not bothered by this? Why am I so excited about it even?”

———

Orestes did indeed start to attend the practice more often. Not all the time but that wasn’t something Eudoxia had even expected. The difference in the attitudes of the other guards was noticeable, as Toma was less irritable and as a direct result Sariafjel and Kie were both more relaxed around the Nocturne. He had also said earlier that he could be more discreet with his nightly business and that seemed to be true as it didn’t interrupt his work in any noticeable way anymore. After confirming the true nature of what he had been doing Eudoxia had decided to accept it, although she tried to put it out of her mind as much as possible as the thought now caused her discomfort in other ways, that she rather not think about.

He continued helping her with the library in the coming weeks. The whole thing ended up taking longer than she thought since they had also created a catalog of all the books that she had. Her office had been in varying states of chaos for the duration of it but now the books were all arranged according to topic. The area immediately around her desk now contained her reference library, and all the other literature that was useful for her in her job was also nearby. The shelves near the main entrance to her office housed the rest of her interests and anything miscellaneous, and the novels and stories surrounded the sitting area.

They had been practicing staves at least a few times a week, whenever there was an opportunity for it. Eudoxia found sparring with Orestes to be highly enjoyable. She took to the staff pretty quickly once she had gotten used holding the thing. The initial blisters on her hands turned to calluses in time. No fight practice she had done before had given her anything quite as tangible to look and feel at, and even though they weren’t indicative of her skill level, she still regarded the marks with satisfaction.

After a while Orestes had asked her if he could maybe sometimes try his skills against her dragon form and, though having reservations, she had agreed to it. It had been clumsy and stiff at first, partly because she was scared of hurting him in her much larger form. But now that he had her to practice against, in both of her forms, he got better so fast that it was almost scary. Eudoxia had been too careful with the fights until suddenly the day had came when he had bested her, standing on her back with the trident pointed at the vein on her neck, looking wild and out of breath but victorious. That was the moment when she had fully realized just how different his forms were, and that his meihin wasn’t the one that was inferior. She had taken their matches much more seriously after that.

She liked his company outside the fight practice too and it was a strange sort of relationship they ended up developing. They talked about a lot of things but there were two clearly distinct holes in the things they shared. While Orestes liked to tell stories about his childhood on the streets and then his youth, going up in the world, he very rarely talked about anything from the time after he had been turned to a Tundra. And Eudoxia had revealed some of her own adventures from her time as a mercenary and all the places she had seen but carefully avoided mentioning her childhood in any way. The friendship was definitely real and getting warmer by the day, but the fact still remained that they both pretended like those holes weren’t there.

It was all both the result and fault of the surprising amount of honesty they had exhibited towards each other that day they had decided to become friends. It had lead to good things but it had also shaken her, and probably him too. It felt like too much, too fast. The next day they had again been a bit more careful around each other and those reservations had not yet completely dissipated.

After some discussion they had decided to hide their newly mended relationship from others. Eudoxia wasn’t any more exempt from the Guard rules regarding meihins as he was and neither of them was willing to risk any questions about what had changed that made them suddenly get along, so in public they didn’t.

All in all Eudoxia found their new routine pleasant but also vexing. It was getting more and more difficult to not think about that night they had spent together, to not think about him. He was a friend but a friend she felt desire towards. She yearned both to touch and hold Orestes and to be touched and held by him, and her days mostly ended up with her trying to release those frustrations alone. The fact that she was now pretty sure he wasn’t averse to the idea of sleeping with her again, if she had just asked, didn’t help. They had shared more than a few awkward moments that made the tension between them clear as noon at Sundial Terrace. And his behaviour seemed to keep leaving that door open as he— _lingered._ That was the only way she could think of to describe what was happening.

Orestes was in her office, always stretching the time to just a while more, pushing against unspoken rules and curfews Eudoxia had tried to set, as they enjoyed each other's company too well. She struggled to resist but in the end had to relent, only being able to keep a strict no wine rule in effect.

And even after Orestes left his presence was still there, at her library, in the pile of books he kept aside for himself and the strands of fur she kept finding on the pillows, strands that she was strangely hesitant to clean away. Many nights he was even in her dreams, allowing her to do all those things she couldn’t in the waking world.

Yet she slammed that particular door shut over and over again, even though it was becoming more difficult each time and the slamming had turned to slow and hesitant closing. But closing was the only option. At the beginning she might have been persuaded to become friends who slept together if they felt like it, but now it wouldn’t have been enough. Not anymore. She needed something more from him. It wasn’t just her loneliness and physical attraction that made her seek his company and she was starting to guess at the reason why seeing him now always made her want to smile.

The problem was that she still wasn’t able to allow herself to trust him where it most mattered, her feelings about him. She felt like she couldn’t read the Tundra all and thus was no closer to finding out what he was actually feeling.

Eudoxia thought she might have started to understand something about the reasons he had for his behaviour. He was clearly bitter about having lost parts of his physical abilities, but other than that had been so matter of factly when he had mentioned his breed change that it took time for it to occur to her that it could have actually hurt him emotionally too, and a lot more than he let on. It was nothing obvious, just the way she had noticed him avoiding the back of her office, where her large mirror was located. He had been so casual during their organizing project, about always asking her to handle things when it came to that spot, that it had taken her some time to even realize that he was doing it. And then there were the rare few mentions he made to his looks, that she could have almost taken as merely some self-deprecating humour. Almost.

His smile had been irritating to her before but now it felt worrying. She used to pride herself on her ability to accurately read faces but with him it was all too confusing. Whether it was him being good at hiding things, or her own feelings getting in the way, she just couldn’t be certain about anything she thought she might have seen on his face. If she could only know what he was thinking, how he felt. If only there was a way to make sure...


	6. This dance we do - part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned really long so I split the chapter in two, just like I did with the first chapter.

Eudoxia had been busy for most of the summer season. She had plans for her Guard, plans that would greatly improve the defenses of the clan. Lot of time had been spent trying to create steady communication with the clan’s border Guard, a fighting force even more unorganized and unruly than the Keep Guard had been back when she had arrived. Her efforts were starting to pay off as she had began to find some willingness for possible cooperation, but that still didn’t leave her too much time to spare. Most of that free time she could make outside of her work was now spent with Orestes so the time had just flown by. Tangled Wood was a strange place in many ways, with its odd vegetation and dark skies, and if it wasn’t for a sudden change in temperature Eudoxia might not have even realized that autumn had arrived, after a summer she had barely even noticed anyway.

And now there was even more work to do. While the Council was hesitant to let its two Guard forces unite for reasons that baffled Eudoxia, they did allow her Guard to take on the responsibility of training the clan’s hunters and gatherers, dragons who’s job took them outside the safety of the Keep. Previously this training had been done whenever she had the time but now the Council had asked for something more permanent. Or more specifically they had asked for Toma, the senior day guard and her vice-captain.

It was a good opportunity to solidify cooperation between different groups and she had encouraged Toma to accept, but it did create a huge scheduling problem, one that she had been trying to solve for days now, together with the Guard scribe Wyn. Her new tasks left Toma free to do only two shifts a week. Eudoxia herself had too much to do to be able to take on more than one of those remaining weekly shifts. Kie, the other day guard, had volunteered to take on more work but Eudoxia was hesitant to allow that as the memory of being severely understaffed and exhausted was still fresh. The Mirror was still relatively new to this work and she wasn’t going to let him experience that if at all possible. Yet she probably had to add at least one shift to his schedule too.

And then there was Wyn himself. Blind or not, he had been used for guard duty when they didn’t yet have Kie and Sariafjel, and he could manage quiet days. But when were those quiet days and how would she fit him there since he too had his other duties to attend to?

Complicated as it was, it seemed like they might have finally found a working solution. It wasn’t yet perfectly functioning but Eudoxia allowed herself to let out a satisfied sigh while straightening her neck, noticing the stiffness as she did so. They had been hunched over her desk the whole day and straightening her back produced some difficulties.

“What time is it?” She asked the scribe, carefully stretching her back and the muscles that had been inactive for too long. She didn’t have any kind of time telling device visible from her desk as she found visibility of the constant progress of the day to be a disturbance to her work and concentration.

“Feels like it’s time to eat,” Wyn replied before slipping a paw to a pouch on his belt and digging out a carved time rune, running his thumb over its surface. “Evening bell has rung just a little while ago,” he said and also moved to stretch his limbs.

Eudoxia hissed, surprised. It was much later than she had thought and her heart lurched when she realized that Orestes was probably out at the training field, already waiting for her as they had agreed to practice together today. Her sense of time was usually better but the cursed schedule seemed to have jumbled her mind completely.

“I think we’re close to finding something that works so I don’t mind pushing forward for a bit more,” Wyn offered with inquiring tone, but Eudoxia had absolutely no intention to do any such thing, even if Orestes hadn’t been waiting.

“No, you go and get yourself food,” she grunted as she rolled her shoulders and got her wings moving. “Right now I need some exercise. My mind does not run straight anymore. We can finish this tomorrow morning.”

There was clear relief on Wyn’s voice as he agreed and Eudoxia guessed that he had offered out of courtesy but was just as ready to quit for the day as she was. The scribe quickly gathered his tools, leaving a pile of clay tablets behind for the next day, and Eudoxia free to change to her lighter armour. She wasn’t sure if Orestes would be waiting or not so she didn’t bother to dress with any kind of care, running out the door as soon as the armour was on. Admitting that she really didn’t want to miss any changes to see him came easy now.

———

Orestes was leaning on his staff, already on his meihin form. His tail was wiping restlessly on the ground, raising small sand clouds from the surface of the otherwise still training field. It wasn't normal for the captain to be late. This was the first time in fact. She hadn't informed him of any changes in their plans and the situation was making him slightly worried. 

_ Should I…? _ He started to wonder but quickly thought better of it. If her delay was work related it was better if he didn't appear knocking at her office door, though he probably could have come up with some excuse. It was merely simpler if he didn't.

He humphed at the tinge of disappointment he felt inside. Being friends in secret wasn't as exciting as one might have thought. He wasn't exactly unsatisfied with how things were, they were having fun after all, but despite that it could at times feel pretty wretched. Being able to walk on her door and knock without full situation analysis would have been nice, just once. And spending time at her library, going through her impressive collection of books had never been perfectly relaxed until she had taken to a habit of locking her doors after office hours. Still, a few late night calls from the Matriarch had made him scamper to hide himself quickly so Eudoxia could do her duty as a captain.

He understood the reasoning and agreed that any kind of attention and scrutiny, or even bening curiosity towards their friendship that might end up revealing how and why they became friends in the first place was unwanted. Eudoxia had also brought up a point that while she was working on trusting and opening up he was still her only exception. She wasn’t ready to have closer relationships with other dragons yet and it was something she worried might be signaled by her suddenly being openly friendly towards anyone. Orestes felt the same, though he couldn’t with all honestly say that he was aiming for anything other than a relationship and trust with her alone.

He had Phoenicia of course, but at times that friendship was only held up by the other Tundra’s stout refusal to leave him be. For which he wasn’t ungrateful but still, his feelings about his stubborn and meddling friend has always been confusing mix of affection and resentment. He wondered if his feelings about Eudoxia might one day turn out the same too. The weight of the secrets he had to keep just kept getting heavier.

Shaking the grim thoughts out of his head he decided that she wouldn’t stand him up for no reason and settled into waiting, for as long as it would take. He hadn’t practiced alone in quite a while and was just wondering if he should start on his own when Eudoxia finally appeared, running and waving her hand to him. His heart picked up its pace and wide smile spread in his face as he watched her approach. It happened every time he saw her, no matter how he tried to appear aloof, there really wasn’t helping it. First it had been just her unexpected smiles but now just seeing her was enough. What he had first understood as a feeling of love had deepened into something more, still as fluttery but also more solid. A feeling that both gave and took away his peace.

“I am so sorry for being late!” She apologized immediately upon reaching him, sounding slightly out of breath. Orestes also noticed the uncharacteristically dishevelled state of her clothes and realized that she had dressed in a hurry. “I was working with Wyn and completely lost track of time,” she continued, getting her breathing back under control. “I am glad you are still here though. I did not wish to miss our practice.”

_ She hurried just for this? _ The thought spread warmth inside him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be here even if you run late,” he assured her with a smile. “No need to hasten quite that much,” he chuckled, drawing her attention at her rolled up scarf.

“Oh!” She exclaimed after brief moment of confusion and tried to fix the thing with very little success. Orestes had wondered about that particular piece of clothing at times. She wore the scarf no matter the weather so there must have been some meaning to the garment. It was made of a very nicely draping fabric that had been dyed deep red. Its ends were decorated with a gold coloured insignia of a spined dragon rolled up in a circle that he assumed must have belonged to her family, but she had never talked about them so he couldn’t be sure.

“Can I—?” He asked, taking a step forward and motioning at the scarf. Eudoxia nodded with a small, embarrassed smile and took his staff to hold, freeing both of his hands to work on the fabric. He unwrapped the scarf to straighten the rolled up part and then wrapped it back on, tying a loose knot on the shoulder and setting one end on the front and the other one on the back, like she preferred to wear it. Then he noticed that her hair had been left stuck under the armour.

“Pull your shoulders back a bit, I’m gonna get your hair too,” he said, gathering the curls to his hand and pulling them out when the motion of her shoulders loosened the hold of the fabric and leather over them. He was just about to reach to clear away the remaining strands but her hand got there at the same time. Orestes had really began to regret the impulsive hand massage and now purposefully avoided any kind of contact that could be construed as too close and quickly pulled his own hand away. He didn’t want to do anything that might have scared her away.

“Sorry,” he muttered an awkward apology to her.

Eudoxia turned around and for some reason extended her hand. “You apologize too much Orestes. You do not offend me nearly as much as you seem to assume.” Orestes wasn’t sure what she meant to do but she was smiling and her hand was just hanging there, like she wanted him to take it, so he did, slowly and keeping an eye on her reaction.

Just holding her hand was making him feel like he was floating in the air and he wondered what it would feel like if he ever got to do anything more. He thought that he might actually burst then. Or maybe he would just float up and up, never stopping, all the way to where the stars were.

“See? This is fine, is it not?” She asked with a smile that was unusually soft and kind. “I did not burst into flames or any such thing you seem to expect. We are becoming friends now, real friends I wish to believe. Is this alright with you?”

“Yes! Absolutely,” he hastily replied while wondering how long was too long, how fast would she pull her hand away if he never withdrew his. Would he get a second or two longer? He wished he would have had the guts to at least offer to care for her hands again.

A bit too deep in his thoughts, he didn’t notice that he hadn’t indeed let go. And she hadn’t pulled away. With embarrassed laugh he tugged at the hand to start her moving towards the armoury, telling her to go get her staff so they could get started. She didn’t seem upset with him. In fact she was still smiling. And the way she slightly allowed her fingers to drag across his before her arm casually dropped down to her side as she walked away left Orestes dumbfounded. She hadn’t minded at all. She was really open to closer friendship like that? He could touch her?

_ But can I, really? _ His hand felt so tingly and he was pretty sure that underneath the clothes and armour his fur was standing up. Would it always feel like this? Would he be left trying to cover his reaction each and every time? That wouldn’t work.

He was glad for the distraction of needing to shift his focus on their sparring session as she returned with her staff. He would have time to puzzle this new thing out later.

It hadn’t even been five months but Eudoxia was learning quickly and their sparring was getting more fast paced and fun. She hadn’t yet developed much finesse to her technique but her instincts were good and she seemed to pick up a lot even non-verbally, just by observing. Also the challenge she could provide him with in her dragon form was considerable. He had beaten her exactly once like that but also knew very well that she had merely underestimated and went easy on him, a mistake she would not make again. His next victory was either very far away or impossible. He wasn’t quite sure of that yet as his own skills had also grown considerably after getting a practice partner, and how far he could go still remained to be seen. Orestes hadn’t felt this good or excited about fighting in a very long time.

They had just started circling each other, looking for an opening and an opportunity to attack, when she suddenly spoke, “This might sound silly but this almost feels like dancing.”

Orestes stopped and thought about the comment for a while before agreeing. “Yeah, it really does, in a way. Do you dance at all?” He added.

“Not often. And not in some years now. I have never much danced for fun, but—” She didn’t finish that sentence, taking a some tentative steps instead. Orestes relaxed his staff to the ground and watched as she looked to be recollecting some type of dance. He started to see a familiar pattern as she gained more confidence and the steps turned from choppy to something more smooth.

“Is that Introduction? At least it looks to be something quite similar,” He said, recognizing some elements of the dance that unmated high borns usually danced, where a set of intricate steps took the dancers close but not allowing any physical contact. That was reserved for Courting and Bonding, dances for official courtship and mates respectively, with Bonding being the most intimate form of them all.

“Yes, I think so? I do not know if I am dancing it right, but it is what I am most familiar with,” she replied before focusing her attention to a series of steps that turned increasingly more and more complex. These were steps that he recognized for sure and remembered very well too, having participated in many dance events in the far past, so he decided to join her, mirroring her movements to the opposite direction.

“Interesting,” he commented as her steps took her to a slightly different direction that his. “It’s so similar to the Introduction I learned but also different. Maybe it’s because you were born somewhere else. The dances must be different too.”

“Zephyr Steppes,” Eudoxia said, stopping and lowering her staff, turning her eyes to look directly at him. “I was born in Wind Spikes, at the Zephyr Steppes.”

Her words made Orestes stop too. They had talked about themselves but some things had just always remained off limits. This was the first time since they became friends that she offered such a personal family detail about herself, voluntarily.

“Thanks for telling me,” Orestes replied and continued to ask, “Why the name Wind Spikes though? Aren’t Steppes supposed to be the calmest area of the Plateau?”

Eudoxia lowered her staff to the ground and leaned her cheek on it, gaze distant as she answered, “Yes, that is true. Steppes are filled with pleasant and warm winds, perfect support for flying. All you really have to do is spread your wings and the winds will do the rest. But Spikes is at the edge of its border with Crescendo so the winds there are unstable. As you probably guessed the name is quite simply just a very literal evocation of that, as in the calm there are  _ spikes _ of harsh winds that can happen out of nowhere.”

“I really wish I get to experience such things one day,” Orestes sighed as her words together with what he had read about the land painted a vivid picture on his mind. He had always been curious about the world outside but never felt like leaving was any kind of real option for him. Deciding he should return her gesture in kind he continued to say, “And I wish I could offer you that same knowledge about myself, but— Well, go ahead and ask me anything. I’ll try to answer the best I can.”

“Anything?” She thought for a moment, fingers lightly tapping on the wood of the weapon before finally deciding on her question. “Then may I ask what was your reason for joining the Guard?”

“Reason?” Orestes had expected a question about childhood, earliest memory or something like that, but she always knew how to surprise him. It took a moment to gather his thoughts for a reply. “You know I’m the only one left of the original hired swords, right? We didn’t have a name since we weren’t a guard but peacekeepers was what most called us back then, I think.” It had been a while and that situation hadn’t lasted too long so remembering any specifics took some effort.

“Yes,” she nodded, “I have been informed of that aspect of the clan history. You were paid according to conflicts handled if I understood correctly?”

“That’s right,” Orestes replied, furrowing his brows lightly as he wondered who was it that had done the informing, what was their view on the situation back then and what had she been told exactly. Deciding that it probably didn’t do good to make it sound any better than it was he continued with a blunt statement, “It didn’t work. It was complete chaos since the system, or more accurately the lack of it, was too easy to abuse. When the Council was formed and made the Guard official situation, with titles, responsibilities, and all that, pretty much everyone else quit on the spot. I merely stayed put where I was.”

She didn’t seem to have to consider her next question at all, going at it directly in her usual manner. “And what I want to know is why? What made you do that? And why are you still here?”

“I find idleness extremely boring,” he shrugged, then thinking to add, “I was good at fighting and this was something meaningful to do.”

“Meaningful work—” She spoke slowly, giving him a long look. “Is that important to you?”

“Yeah, I suppose. I like feeling useful, that there’s some sense to what I’m doing.”

“And yet you—” she started but went quiet.

Orestes sighed. Of course she couldn’t truly accept what he had done before, no matter what she had said that one time. “I think I know what you meant to say but go on.”

“You have not seemed hesitant to neglect that job.”

“It's— complicated?” He offered. It wasn't a satisfying answer so he tried to explain further. “I've been doing this long enough to know fairly reliably when it's safe to slip away. I've made some mistakes too but— I mean, you're like me. You should know what—” He stopped abruptly and turned his eyes away at the ground, terrified at what he had been about to say, what he had been thinking, that she should know what it’s like, not being able to freely use her meihin, and why he needed what he did. But of course she couldn’t understand. They might have both been ferals but she was different.

_ The monster wants to be petted and liked. How pathetic. _

Her hand settling on his shoulder surprised him, making him look up to see a worried expression on her face.

“I did not mean to upset you. I was just—” She stopped and turned her head away in a manner than left an impression of frustration in Orestes. Taking a deep breath she turned back, starting again. “You are right, we are the same. But despite that our experiences are so different. I wanted to understand yours better but did not stop to think before I asked. I worded it extremely badly and ended up saying something thoughtless. For that I am truly sorry.”

_I don’t deserve to get apologized_ , he thought bitterly. Sneaking off mid-shift wasn’t the worst he had done. He was just thinking of how to counter, when she spoke again.

“We do not get normal lives,” she started quietly, her grip on his shoulder getting more firm. “I have always known that of course but I suppose I have not truly understood it before, not like this. I have just adjusted, done things I know I would not have done otherwise, become something that I was not meant to be, while still almost feeling it is all normal. Seeing someone else— It is different. I understand but I am also still adjusting?”

Her openness baffled but also moved Orestes. She had again turned her eyes away from him, looking vulnerable in a way that made him want to share some comfort with a hug. Instead he just placed his own hand on top of hers.

“Yeah, I think I know what you mean. This has taken some getting used to. Not like I’m still completely used to it but, uh, you know? It’s just good to have you,” he sighed, annoyed at himself for not being able to verbalize his exact feelings. But that would have required revealing more things than he was willing to. “Anyway,” he continued, “This job, it does give me satisfaction when I do it well. I actually couldn’t imagine doing anything else anymore.”

“I really am sorry. I am trying to let go of my old prejudices but somehow it never occured to me that the reason you do so well is that you like what you do,” she said, patting his shoulder briefly before removing her hand.

He managed an almost grin. “Don’t tell anyone though, I have a reputation to upkeep.”

“Oh, my lips are sealed,” she replied with unusually warm humour and Orestes found himself envying her hand when it pressed so casually against that smiling mouth, indicating her silence. He very much wanted to seal those lips with kisses from his own but shook his head at the the inappropriate thought and its timing. Those had become bit too frequent of late as she had occupied his thoughts more and more.

“Do you not believe me?” She asked, mistaking his reaction for doubt.

“No, I definitely believe you,” he forced himself to laugh a bit when he replied, intent on deflecting to some other topic. “I’m merely curious about a mercenary captain from Zephyr Steppes who dances an Introduction in a Wind way.”

“It is not the Wind way. At least not completely. I learned most of it in the years right before I came here.”

“You learned dancing while being a mercenary?” Orestes asked, getting actually curious about the topic he had hastily retreated to.

“You would be surprised at how many skills you will find useful.” Eudoxia paused to consider for a while, looking to be gathering her case. “To become a good mercenary you need to know your way around in fights, that much is obvious.” Orestes nodded so she continued, “But to become one of the best, the elite, you need something more. Either you gather a company of loyal followers around you, making you a valuable asset just by pure numbers. Or if you cannot do that, you become good at other things. You specialize.”

“I see. You became good at something else instead?”

“Yes. I was someone you would turn to when you needed discretion and knowledge of etiquette.”

Orestes couldn’t resist the joke, so he covered his mouth, pretending to be shocked. “Were you— were you an assassin?” He gasped dramatically for added effect.

“If need be,” she replied, widening her eyes at him. Orestes laughed as the truth didn’t actually surprise him that much. “I also fought a lot of substitute duels. All kinds of situations that someone with money and influence could solve by hiring someone else. Quite a lot of it could have been— well, not exactly diplomacy but trying to solve a conflict without violence by hiring someone scarier than what the other side had. But at the end of the day it was by any means necessary. They do mean that when they hire you. And I—” she barked a surprisingly loud laughter, “—am not very scary at all.”

“I think you’re plenty scary enough,” Orestes countered, eyes wide, and then added, “Well at least in your birth form.”

“That’s because you’re used to mostly being around dragons who are either closer to your size or using their meihins out of courtesy. But out there where strength and size matters? I’m not big. Only strong. That was my way of making it, my  _ scary _ , being stronger and more cunning than anyone else.”

“That actually sounds kinda exciting. What ever could have made you stop?” He inquired, happy for the opportunity to learn more now that they’re were talking about past with more honesty.

“It is also dangerous. Even more dangerous than going to a battlefield if the circumstances are wrong. Someone with my clear—” Eudoxia frowned slightly, “— _ disadvantage _ always did have a timer on their back. I mostly used my birth form, even when it was inconvenient, and it gave me that vague date when this very distinctive habit became too known. I could stain my scales to look different but I could not hide my breed, size, or ferality. I switched places as often as possible but it just started to severely limit the job offers I could accept. It was a wonder my career lasted as long as it did but I worked too hard to get to the top to settle into becoming an ordinary hired fighter again so I decided it was time to quit.”

“So you didn’t have any other options? Is this something you just have to do for now?” He asked hesitantly, having started to develop a slight worry that she might not have actually wanted to be here, in the Guard nor the Keep.

“Well, not really. I have accepted that it is a part of my life that is now over. I also have to admit I was starting to get a bit tired of always being on the move too. I just needed to find something equally challenging and I found it here, a problem Guard.” Orestes wondered if she had somehow sensed his worry as she waved her hand and continued as if to assure him, “You were not easy or nice but found you on my own, not because I was forced to but because I sought you out.”

“Well uh— how have you been liking it here then?” Orestes decided to probe a little bit further, testing out how far she would open up to him.

“I think I have grown quite fond of this place. I initially thought this might be just temporary but now that I am making progress with you all I find that I have developed some new plans and ambitions.”

“What kind of plans?”

“I want to unify the clan’s defences, get the gatherers and border guard to work together with the Keep guard, under one command. And I want an official seat for us in the Council, just like all the other major groups have,” she listed her goals with determined look on her face.

“Those really are some really ambitious plans,” Orestes said, surprised. He knew very well how afraid the Council was of fighting dragons and appearing as a threat to the local deity. They had resisted even when it was the Matriarch herself who had attempted to improve things. Allowing Eudoxia to unify and make them stronger wasn’t going to be easy, no matter how much the growing Keep needed it, not as long as it was also viewed as such a risk. Captain had the work cut out for her. But it meant one thing at least. “You’re not about to leave any time soon then?”

“No, I am not. Too much to do” she chuckled, seemingly amused. Then she thought for a bit and continued, “Maybe you are remembering me saying I did not know what I wanted to do during the move, but I did decide to stay. And lot of things have changed since then.”

“Well, um—,” Orestes started, slightly apprehensive, but wanting to speak at least some part of his feelings out loud. Gathering his courage he continued, “I’m glad. That you’re staying, I mean. Really glad.”

“Thank you, Orestes. Knowing that makes me happy,“ she replied. There was new softness in her eyes as she spoke, making him realize that she had really meant what she had just said. “And anyway,” she continued with a lighter tone, “I am not about to give up my first friend in a very long while.”

“Good. That makes me happy too,” he smiled back at her, feeling something like a warm glow inside his chest, born from her reaction. “Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Of course, go ahead,” she nodded.

“If you have not used your meihin that much and learned all this later on, how do you know to dance like you did just now?”

“The steps are not entirely different in dragon form. But uh, maybe I do have to admit to some practice, while I was alone. Just to kill time,” she hurriedly added, looking embarrassed about her confession.

“Just to kill time, huh?” His tone was amused, causing her to shoot him a furious look. “Hey, you’ve already ruined your fun hating reputation in my eyes, captain, you’re not gonna get it back” he laughed, but kept his tone soft as he continued on to asking, “Do you by any chance like dancing?”

“—I think so.” Her reply was hesitant but the frown was gone and Orestes thought, or hoped he saw a tiny upward twitch at the corners of her mouth.

“Then—” He bowed lightly and assumed a starting position with one foot right in front of the other but keeping his staff in hand, “—may I have this one?”

“With the staves?” She asked, sounding doubtful.

“We’re still practicing, aren’t we? In fact we’ve been so busy talking that we haven’t actually practiced at all, so it’s about time to start.”

“Ah, that is true.” Eudoxia admitted. Tilting her head she gave him an evaluating look before settling into a same starting position. “Alright then. You may.”

“Introduction means absolutely no contact,” Orestes grinned while calling his challenge and she returned the expression with same kind of enthusiasm. He tapped his staff to the ground for a moment to give her a beat to follow and so they began.

The beginning of the dance kept the partners far away, circling each other and mirroring their steps. The hand movements of the dance weren’t too suitable for holding a staff so adjusting for that took some time and experimenting. By the time the dance started to bring them closer Orestes felt more confident and took the lead. Eudoxia was very good at following and imitating but he kept the dance at its original slow tempo for a while longer anyway, just to give her some more time to get used to it all.

He started to introduce elements of fight practice to their dance, first calling his attacks as he swung his staff at her direction, making her adjust her steps to dodge and then return the strike, also learning the motions himself as he did so. Slowly they found movements that worked, ways to attack and dodge without messing up the rhythm or the patterns of the dance and Orestes stopped his verbal cues, changing the whole thing from strict practice to improvisation.

They didn’t have music so any mistake made was loud on the quiet field as the staves clashed together. It took some time to find a good pace but once they did those mistakes stopped happening and so Orestes tapped his staff on the ground again, to give them a new, faster beat.

It felt like there was a certain push and pull to their dance, like a tide. Orestes had started by leading but now he wasn’t sure if he was doing that or just following. They seemed to have formed a natural way to react and follow up, react again and then another follow up, like they were synchronized, reacting exactly the way they were meant to be. The way dance brought them close and then separated them, over and over again. was building a weird sort of atmosphere, charged with tension.

Then suddenly the flow was broken when Orestes felt something sharp on the ball of his feet and lost his balance. Before he even realized it Eudoxia had caught him, preventing a hard fall on the ground.

“I thought we were supposed to be dancing Introduction, not Bonding,” she whispered with a smirk, face so close to his.

_ Is she flirting with me? _ Flashed in his mind before he realized she must have been joking. He had to admit the situation might have been funny, her arms around him, holding him like she was just supporting her dancing partner to a deep dip. Except the way his body reacted made it difficult to appreciate the humour.

“Quite the reflexes you have there. No wonder you’re improving so fast.” He swallowed hard, scrambling to cover his reaction.

“I have a very good teacher too,” Eudoxia replied, smirk turning to smile.

“Flattery won’t get you any,” Orestes laughed slightly nervously. 

“Shame,” she quipped, finally lifting him to stand up on his own.

_ She’s definitely flirting with me. What’s going on? _

He had no time to puzzle that out as pain shot through his foot as soon as he put his weight on it. “I think there’s something stuck in my foot,” he said, raising the sole as Eudoxia kneeled down to take a look.

“It’s glass,” she hissed, sounding annoyed. “Keep your foot up, do not step on it. We should get you to my office, I have tools to remove it.”

“Glass?” Orestes was slightly perplexed. There shouldn’t have been anything like that anywhere near the training field so he asked her about it.

Eudoxia examined the sand from around where he had been and uncovered more glass and picked something up.

“I can take a guess. Look, it is curved, like a bottle,” she said, showing him a larger piece. “Do you remember that last batch of gatherer trainees we had? They had some kind of alchemist with them who wanted to use his potions. I had expressly forbidden something like that from being practiced here but I could not supervise them full time. He must have brought his concoctions with him when I was not here.”

She got up, looked around and sighed. “This whole field needs to be closed. It is not safe to be here until we comb through it, see if there is anything else hiding under the sand. And since we have no idea what was in that bottle I will take you to see Fane.”

“No, I can’t see Fane,” Orestes countered quickly. The clan’s self-proclaimed doctor was not an option for him.

“You are afraid he is going to dissect you?” Eudoxia asked, sounding amused. “Do not worry, I will bandage you up before we go. He should have no reason to poke you much unless he finds something but he has extensive knowledge of alchemical things so he should know if it is anything dangerous.”

“I know but— I don’t want to spread information about my ferality around like that. And you know as well as I do that he would want to study it. That creep is like a burdock when he gets obsessed with something,” Orestes shuddered at the thought of becoming a subject of interest to the Pearlcatcher in question.

“Well just switch back then?” Eudoxia seemed baffled.

“That might not be a good idea, not with an injury,” he said. Wondering if she really didn’t know any of this he added, “There are risks.”

“Oh? I thought that rule was for serious injuries only but I do have to confess severe inexperience when it comes to meihins,” she replied.

“There have been cases of wounds growing in size and severity, and fractured bones becoming completely shattered with shapeshifting,” he explained. “It’s not that common but no one really wants to take their chances with something like that.”

“So are you stuck in your meihin until this thing heals?” She asked with a slight frown.

“Depends on how bad it is? I can tell better once the shard is out.”

Eudoxia looked at him and his feet, then at the barracks, and back to him, before turning her back and kneeling down. “Hop on, I will carry you. And I will take the piece to Fane once it is out. He might be able to find something from it alone.”

It took a moment for Orestes to react to her offer but he managed to mutter a faint thank you and climbed on her back. She took good a hold of his legs and stood up, bouncing him up a few times to get a better grip.

“Are you good there?” She asked before starting to walk, only doing so once he told her he was fine.

“This is a bit higher than I’m used to. Might get dizzy with you being so tall,” he joked and Eudoxia laughed so he continued, “And I believe I figured out why you’re friends with me. I’m the only person who’s even shorter than you.”

“That is right, you stroke my ego like that,” she delivered with a perfectly serious tone, making Orestes laugh in turn.

“I have my uses,” he replied softly, enjoying this new found camaraderie between them. And if he maybe held onto her just a little bit tighter than was necessary, then she didn’t complain.


	7. This dance we do - part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuing right from where we left at the end of the previous chapter~

Eudoxia carried Orestes all the way to her office and then sat him down on a large floor pillow, leaving for a moment to fetch a basket filled with supplies needed for treating injuries. It was a fairly recent acquisition, as most of the meihin sized comforts she now had. Bringing the basket to him, she told him to lie on his stomach and took his leg, pad of the foot upwards, on her lap. It was now aching a lot more but she must have applied some numbing cream after cleaning the area around the wound as the pain soon lessened a bit. Still, no amount of the stuff could have made the extraction painless and Orestes bit his teeth together hard when he felt Eudoxia starting to pull at the shard.

“The wound is not wide but it is deep,” she finally said and Orestes turned his head around as much as he could to take a look. The piece of glass she was holding was stained with his blood and shaped almost like a small dagger. He had been injured by far worse things, yet something about its jagged edges made him shudder.

Eudoxia placed the piece aside and continued, “Luckily it seems all your toes are still warm, moving, and reacting to touch so there should be no serious damage done. It might have come out in one piece but I will clean it a bit more and take another look. Do you need something stronger for the pain?”

“Nah, I’m fine. Just go ahead, I have plenty of stuffing to bite into here,” he laughed somewhat feebly, patting at the pillow he was lying on. It wasn’t going to feel nice but he would rather get this done quickly than to wait for any pain relieving potion to take effect.

“Very well then. Try to keep your foot still,” she asked. She worked fast and with such confident manner that Orestes assumed her to have treated plenty of injuries during her life. One more small piece was yet recovered out of his foot before she finished up by bandaging the wound.

“Oh,” she suddenly exclaimed before Orestes had managed to get himself sitting up. “I did not think to ask if you wanted to shift back before I put the bandages on. Do you want me to take them out?”

“Nah, this is fine,” he said, moving his foot around to test the wrapping of the bandages. All seemed firm and well fastened so he relaxed the foot on the pillow beneath.

“I will give you a week’s leave to start with. We can extend that if necessary,” she stated as Orestes finally got himself up and sitting.

“No need to extend,” he replied, truthfully. In the past he would have grabbed the opportunity to skip work eagerly but hadn’t felt like doing so in a while now. He had no use for that free time anymore. “And three days should be enough, might be even less,” he added.

“You really need to give it enough time to heal before putting it through the strain of walking all night,” Eudoxia frowned, obviously displeased with what must have looked like useless bravado. Orestes shrugged his shoulders at her reaction.

“It really should be enough. I heal way faster than others.” He traced with his finger what might have been a very noticeable feature on his face, though Orestes himself didn’t really know how it looked. It was a scar that went from his forehead and over his right eye, all the way down to the cheek. “This one took only a week and it was bad enough that I don’t have that eye anymore.”

“That is a fake eye? I had no idea.” She said, seeming to forget about the topic of health and sick leaves in her surprise as she continued questioning him, “When did this happen? And how?”

“Well, I met this vicious drunk about a year after my breed change. Got most of my scars during that time actually. Wasn’t a very good fighter,” he mumbled an explanation, scratching the back of his head while remembering the frustration and anger at not being able to do all those things that he had taken for granted before, how his new Tundra body just didn’t bend to his will. It had taken a while before he accepted that he couldn’t force it and needed to find new ways to do things.

“Anyway, it’s probably why I’ve become so good at talking,” he continued with a chuckle. “And the bugger didn’t manage to take my eye right away, thanks to being too drunk. But his claw left my vision permanently blurry. I have no idea why I heal so fast but it clearly has its limits. The itch was driving me crazy too so I decided to get rid of the whole thing.”

“Would it be alright for me to take a look?” Eudoxia’s request sounded slightly hesitating but the curiosity on her face was plain to see and Orestes nodded, leaning forward and opening his eyes wide so she could see better but was startled when she actually grabbed his face between her hands and got closer herself, turning his head around a bit to different angles. Her face was so near that he could feel her breaths and had to resist the urge to squeeze his eyes shut tight, to hide away from those green eyes, staring at his so intently. Once past the initial surprise though, the need to hide changed into trying to prevent a grin from splitting his face ear to ear. His tail was also twitching to wag and he had to reach a hand behind his back to restrain it. Aside from trying to hide how much he enjoyed her closeness this really wasn’t such a bad situation to be in, at all.

“Extraordinary,” she muttered, finally letting go of his face after thorough examination. “I can hardly see the difference. Is the prosthetic maybe a bit more grey? Or maybe it is just the light doing tricks, I cannot say.” She sat down opposite of him on her usual neat manner, legs folded to her side and hands resting on the lap and continued, “I have heard about prosthesis like this before but never actually seen one. It looks so real.”

“Yeah, that’s the idea, to be as close to real one in look and function. I can see a bit better than I did with my old eye but that’s about it.”

“You can see too?” Eudoxia almost gasped, eyes widening for a moment. The she tapped her forehead sharply. “Ah, that was a silly question, of course you can. You would not be able to fight like you do otherwise. But still, that is just amazing.“ The expression on her face was openly excited, affecting Orestes too.

He lifted his hands up to his face and, holding the lids open with one hand, and tapped on a certain spot on the side of the eye. The same magic that allowed the prosthetic to shift along with him as he changed forms made the insertion and the removal of the spherical object possible and the eye easily rolled out onto his waiting palm.

“Want to take an even better look?” He asked Eudoxia, picking up the orb between his thumb and index finger and holding it out for her. He hadn’t thought to ask if she was squeamish about such things but the excited manner in which she reached to receive it clearly told him she wasn’t. And then Orestes nearly fell down as she rolled the eye around in her hand.

“Careful with that,” he squawked, quickly laying his hands down on ground to steady himself after the right half of his world had just spun around a few times, trying to prevent his stomach from doing the same.

“You can  _ still _ see with it?” She exclaimed, sounding stunned but also immediately closing her fingers around the item on her hand, blocking the vision exactly like closing his eye would have.

“Uh yeah, there’s no off switch,” he confirmed, slowly getting his balance back.

“Then I  _ have _ to try something,” she announced with a playful smile, turning around to face away from him. When Orestes could see again, the split view made him close his remaining eye. Eudoxia was holding her hand up in front of the prosthetic eye, asking, “How many fingers?”

“Two,” he replied, amused at her little game.

“What about now?” She asked, closing her hand to a fist.

“No fingers left.”

“How about this?”

“Now that’s just rude,” he gasped and laughed at the hand gesture she had just made.

“Oh, wait, one more,” she exclaimed, getting up and quickly walking further away, all the way to the other end of the room. “Can you still see?” she called out, holding up her hand, fingers spread.

“All four,” he replied, verifying that he indeed could still see.

The smile of pure joy on her face after he gave the right answers almost took his breath away. It was another part of her he hadn’t yet seen and as head over heels as he had fallen already, with each new layer discovered he found out that he could always fall just a bit more.

Orestes decided that if introducing her to something she hadn’t seen yet made her this happy, then he would make it his goal to show her the whole world. Of course he also realized how silly the idea was, as she was the one who had traveled all over while he hadn’t. But there were definitely things in the Keep that she didn’t yet know about. He vowed to find and show her them all, to make her smile like that as much as possible.

Eudoxia’s fingers closed again, making his view go dark, so he opened his remaining eye to see her turn around to hurry back where he sat.

“From how far away can you see with this, exactly?” She asked while crouching down and holding her closed fist in front of him. Orestes raised his hand and Eudoxia took hold of it with one hand, while carefully placing the eye on his palm with the other, closing his fingers around it to keep the view blocked. It was unnecessary as he knew how to handle the eye without making himself sick but her gesture still warmed him with how thoughtful it was.

“I don’t really know,” he replied while she pulled her hands away and sat next to him. “I’ve never tried to find out. And moving is pretty difficult with this thing out if I don’t cover it, which would kinda defeat the purpose then. But maybe you’d want to help me test it out someday?”

“If— if you do not mind?” She asked, sounding cautious.

“Not at all. You got me kinda curious about it too,” he said and dug out a piece cloth from his pocket to clean the eye before putting it back on, careful to point it away from himself. He didn’t like the view any more than from mirrors.

“Then I shall take you up on that as soon as possible,” she replied, looking delighted. “There is so much I do not know about those types of prostheses.”

“Not a lot of information going around. I assume the crafters like their secrets to stay that way.”

“I do know they are really expensive though but I assume you can afford something like that easily. Unless you spend all your money right away?”

“I don’t, at least not anymore” Orestes laughed at first but grew more solemn as he continued, “I used to, when I was still trying to find a way to turn back, but now? I get good food, quality clothes, nice art— But I put most of it aside. You never know when you’ll need it.”

“I do not know how to save.” She turned to look at him, serious expression on her face. Then she widened her eyes and continued, “Too many books in this world.”

“Do you have to own them all?”

“Yes.”

“Maybe you should have become a librarian instead,” Orestes suggested. Then with a grin he took his hand over his heart, announcing, “I’m right beside you if you want to storm the clan library and conquer it from Garou, though I gotta warn you, that old man is surprisingly tough.”

“You should know I would make an awful librarian,” she laughed, shifting to a more relaxed looking position, knees up and resting her hands and chin on them. “Maybe I should consider a secondary career like yours. Imagine all the books I could get then. Do you think a feral Guard captain would be a hit in this clan?”

“Well, somehow I don’t really see you pleasing anyone?” He started slowly, suddenly uncertain about how seriously she meant her words to be taken. “But there are always those who are just looking to get their asses kicked by someone attractive. So yeah, probably.”

“Sounds like an absolute dream,” her tone was somewhere between amused and dry. “But I could kick ass at least,” she half-conceded to his description.

“Probably better to ask for a raise from the Council to fund your strange addiction,” he returned with a cheeky remark.

“Oh they definitely could pay me way better,” she sighed and then rolled her eyes at him. “And you are here, benefiting from my addiction at least five days a week so if I were you I would not say anything more.”

“Am not judging, perish the thought,” he quickly assured, raising his hands up in surrender. “It’s not like I don’t collect things anyways, and useless things too.”

“Ah, all those pretty lights and crystals you had in your room, I assume?” She asked, raising a brow.

“Yep, guilty,” he chuckled, feeling the need to explain. “They just make the place nicer, more homely.”

Eudoxia nodded at his explanation but seemed intent on knowing more. “You could afford to live somewhere else, somewhere that was nice without so much money and effort. Why do you remain in the barracks?”

“Here is nice enough. I don’t want to move,” Orestes shrugged. Moving out from the Guard post and inside the Keep had never really felt necessary. Staying made sense though. It kept him somewhat separate from the normal life and activities, less resentful, more content.

“Your place was pretty cozy, I have to admit.”

“You think so?”

“Yes, I do think so,” she smiled. “Of course my visit was quite short and it was a lot to take in but your lair looked bright and comfortable. I liked it.”

“Well, uh, you could come see it again? Visit me in turn sometimes,” he suggested hopefully. “I don’t have a library like this but there should still be something around to read. Or we can do something else.”

“Thank you, I would really love to,” she replied warmly, tilting her head so that she was leaning her cheek on her knees. The way her curls cascaded down her legs with the shift and the way those eyes looked at him, suddenly so full of seemingly inviting tenderness, made Orestes turn his own eyes away.

“Talking about home, I think it’s about time I leave. It’s getting late,” he summoned his voice and his sense with some struggle.

“You can stay here if you want. I cannot imagine hopping around with that injury is nice and there is plenty of room,” she offered, pointing to the door curtain leading to the sleeping quarters.

Orestes was tempted, so very tempted. This night had brought them closer than before and he would have loved to have it keep going for longer, much longer. But he didn’t feel like he could trust himself to not say or do something stupid, not right now.

“Gonna have to decline,” he replied, forcing a smile on his face. “I don’t wanna to inconvenience you too much but I’m also getting really hungry.”

“In that case I should help you get back. Wait just a moment,” she said and getting up went to the door that lead to the common room. Cracking open the smaller meihin-sized door in it she took a quick peek to confirm that the way was clear and then returned, helping him to stand up. Kneeling down, she offered him her back again. He briefly considered declining that offer too but didn’t want to keep turning her every courtesy down with what seemed like flimsy excuses.

The distance wasn’t that long and Eudoxia didn’t hurry her steps, leaving Orestes time to take in the moment. Her curls were tickling his nose but he didn’t mind as the scent of her hair seemed to comfort him, making the ache on his foot a bit easier to ignore. Neither one spoke at all, making the journey feel a bit dream-like. Yet eventually the dream had to end.

She let him down at his door and Orestes reached for the door to support himself. “Thanks for the lift,” he said, turning back to her.

“You are quite welcome. I hope we can try today again later, once your wound has healed?”

“Of course.” She appeared to have genuinely enjoyed today so he braved a suggestion, “I— I would dance with you even without the staves, if you want? Properly.”

“You would?”

“Yeah, teach you something different too, bit less high class, more— provincial,” Orestes settled on a most diplomatic way to express it.

“You mean tavern dancing,” she chuckled.

“Yeah, I mean tavern dancing,” he admitted with a grin but was surprised to see a glisten in her eyes, like a hint of tears.

“I would not mind that,” she replied, her voice cracking just a bit and blinking rapidly, revealing to Orestes that he had just managed to say something quite important. Racking his brain he tried to come up with and answer as to what it was and then it struck him. A feral high born with mercenary past who only sort of knew a dance she should have been intimately familiar with. Orestes had a short moment where he had to completely re-evaluate all of his earlier assumptions about her life and status.

“You should be allowed to do anything you’ve been held back from before, even if it’s only with one friend,” he spoke, taking a shot with his guess at the likeliest reason for her reaction.

“Look at me, getting all emotional like this,” she coughed, wiping her eyes. The tears hadn’t broken free though, and she calmed herself down quickly. And then to his surprise her hand was on his face for the second time that day as she reached to caress his cheek shortly. “Take care of yourself tonight, friend. Rest,” she said, both voice and expression gentler than ever before.

_ Invite her in! _ His instinct was yelling at him, but what he said instead was, “Come see me tomorrow, if you have time?”

_ Invite her in, confess your love and most ardent admiration, and scare her away. Yeah, what a great idea! _

“I will,” Eudoxia promised with a smile, completely oblivious to his inner turmoil. It took every bit of restraint he had not to reach after her when she turned to leave. But after only just few steps she turned back to face him for a moment and spoke softly, “Good night, Orestes,” before continuing on her way.

“Good night, captain,” he muttered quietly to her receding back before opening the door beside him and going in. He hopped to the stove on the kitchen corner, right next to the door. Magic kept a small flame going at all times, keeping his lair dry, if not too warm. All he had to do was to add some wood to get the fire really going to heat the rooms and also heat the cooktop to make food but that wasn’t what Orestes did. He wasn’t actually hungry at all. Leaning his hands to the warm iron he tried to gather his thoughts instead, while fighting a grin that was trying to make its way on his face.

“I’m stupid, a complete idiot. This is turning my mind into a stew. Is this what love is? Is this supposed to be  _ normal _ ? How do people survive this?” He let out his feelings in a frustrated tirade, sighing deeply at the end, the feeling of fluttering happiness almost completely gone as quick as it came. “You know it’s not gonna happen with her.”

_ Do I? _

His relationship with Eudoxia was developing in ways that he hadn’t expected and somehow he had almost began to feel like it might be possible for things to go even further. As hard as it was for him to believe it there was definitely something there. At least the flirting today had been pretty out in the open. Or had it been it flirting? Maybe she was just revealing a sense of humour that veered on the strange side?

_ There’s no way, right? Not with the way I am. _

He raised his hand to touch his face but stopped just before contact. He could still feel her hand on the skin of his cheek like it had been imprinted there and he didn’t want to interfere with that. And then there was the awareness of the fur. Fur that was getting longer since he didn’t care to keep it trimmed short anymore.

Orestes moved his hand on his forehead instead, to the skin that had been smooth for such a long time now. He had never truly gotten used to not having his Skydancer sphere and abilities, and right now his bitterness was back in full force as he thought how much easier everything would be if he was still his old self. He could have sensed things, like her general moods and disposition towards him, with absolute certainty. There would be none of this confusion and ache. And he could have been charming. He would have had the courage to approach her if he had been like he once was.

But the truth of it was that then he would probably have never even met her. He liked being in the Guard but with the whole world open ahead of him what reason would he have had to still be here at this point? It might have been easier that way, his life much less complicated, yet he couldn’t say with complete honesty that he hoped for such a thing. The way she made him feel, it had become precious to him.

Orestes didn’t think about it too often but even he wasn’t thick enough to not be able to acknowledge that he didn’t probably look like he thought he did. Others would have reacted to him much differently if he had. But it was what he saw in the mirror. He wasn’t able to see anything else in there, no proof that the terrible beast reflected back to him wasn’t real. How was he to deny the reality of that vision with no concrete evidence to counter it? Saying that it was false and not the way things were was very easy when one didn’t live his reality, when one didn’t see what he saw.

Somehow thinking about his looks he felt a pull to go to the other room, his old bedroom, and to the mirror in the corner. Pinning it on the weird mood he was in he decided to get up and follow that pull. Grabbing a light crystal from the kitchen table he hobbled through the door curtain into the smaller room, letting the light illuminate the space.

Phoenicia had done an excellent job cleaning the room all those years ago and there wasn’t much left to remind him of the past. It certainly didn’t resemble a bedroom anymore. The walls were completely covered with anything she could get her hands on with such short notice, fabrics and paintings, and Orestes himself had managed to gather some trunks and shelves full of stuff he meant to go through. Although the room occasionally irritated him with its chaos he had never found it in himself to do anything about it. Ignoring it was easier.

The mirror itself was a huge thing, full body and then some. He should have gotten rid of it ages ago, even if it meant taking an axe to chop it to pieces in order to get it out. Yet here it still was, just covered with a thick blanket. The mirror was also among those things he didn’t like to think about. There should have been not much left of the reflective surface after he had broken it but the cover stayed on. Even a shard was enough.

His fingers played with the fabric for a bit as he was tempted to take a look. But he didn’t. He clucked his tongue, annoyed at himself, and let the cover drop back down. Despite the injury and pain today had been such a good day, one of the best days of his life, really, and he was not about to ruin that with the sight of his own face.

With a weary sigh he sat down, leaning his back against a wall and the fabric covering it. His fingers moved to tracing the scratches through it, those deep enough to be felt. The destruction of the room had been his crash course to just how different being a feral was, how easily he had broken everything in his maddened inability to even try to control the raw strength of his new body.

But instead of that past he now considered the current state of his life and his future. He may or may not be a monster but against her shining crimson and silver beauty he was definitely unsightly, coarse and unrefined. She would have matched his old self much better. But Orestes was also a commoner, no matter his breed or looks, while Eudoxia was a high born. Not to mention that she was his captain. Above him and unreachable in so many ways.

Yet she appeared to like him for some reason. But did she like him the same way that he liked her? Probably… or most likely not. But still, despite all that, a seed of hope had been planted in his heart. Many things that had been impossible before felt like they might have been on the realm of possibilities now. They felt more real.

He pondered about the possibility of telling her about his feelings and all the ways it might go bad. Or maybe it wouldn’t. How would it change their friendship if he did? Would she welcome those feelings or shove him away? Or maybe she wouldn’t care? The option of her reciprocating had not been there before, no matter how remote it was even now. Yet he had some hope now. So, as unlikely as it was, if complete rejection was the only truly bad ending then didn’t that make the odds slightly to his favour? Unless he had imagined the whole thing of course. And maybe he had. Not much about the recent times had been what he could call normal so how was he to interpret any of it.

An old flower petal counting song started to play in his head.  _ They like me a lot, but not quite like I, their feelings so true, but not the same kind, their affections aplenty, no romance to find... _ He held no beliefs that picking petals and singing a song could determine someone’s true feelings. Only way to really find out was to confess and ask if she felt the same but he didn’t have enough confidence to do that.

Still, while the whole idea felt scary maybe he could find a way, by doing it indirectly. Write a poem or a song, maybe? He had felt a ridiculous need to to do something like that lately even though he had never written anything of the sort before.

_ Way too sappy _ , he rejected the thought almost immediately. And also too direct. Besides, he couldn’t sing to save his life and wasn’t sure his poetry recital would have been any better. No, it had to be something more general in nature. Something with plausible deniability if he thought her reaction unfavourable. It couldn’t be anything that would risk their relationship breaking. The flower song did give him an idea…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The boy probably should have invited her in, tbh. Can I already add slow burn to the tags?


End file.
